lovin' it...but then again not so much

I have had an interesting past four weeks. I took a basic design class which has actually turned out a successful portfolio piece for my submission to the graphic design program. It has been an adventure and though not an entirely successful one a good one to say the least.

I have finally made a connection with faculty at PSU. My page layout (and in the past other graphics classes) is awesome. She's been doing graphic design for ages and she knows her shit. We always have good coversations about design and computers, exchanging useful information. Six more weeks of this class is going to be great. I'm really digging it now.

That's all for now! Byeeeee....

slow connections and headaches

Well, my internet connection is being a bugger these days. It is really fast, but the connection to start is rather delayed. It is quite annoying, but it does get the job done eventually. The only problem is running the internet on my iPod which doesn’t seem to like it and times out most of the time on our network. Thankfully, our neighbor’s WiFi isn’t secured so I’m free to bootleg his internet. I don’t feel bad about it because I pay for my own internet; I just have issues with my $45/month subscription. It seems to be working okay as long as I'm patient when starting up a new web page. Now if only the phone company were easier to deal with.

Well it is Tuesday and the week is half gone and I’m working diligently on my book for art115. I pulled some random idea out of my ass just before I went to class this afternoon, and of course it was brilliant. I really just have a mind for design. I surprise even myself sometimes. I will post the PDF of the book as soon I complete it. It is this kind of interesting artful take on something scientific. I took the idea of a single atom, oxygen, something rather banal and changed it into something expressive and understandable to a broader audience. I can only hope the end product is as well accepted as the concept.

Another thing though, is that Cooper has been driving me absolutely bonkers. He is going through one of those testy, whiny phases. He’s discovered that whining gets him attention, now whether he likes being told to shut up still being up for debate. Anyway, he is best when ignored. He will usually calm down within a couple minutes if he is ignored completely. The only bad part is that he knows the perfect yelp to basically blow out our eardrums. It sucks when it gets that obnoxious—I can’t even concentrate at that point. I just hope he survives the heat a bit better than he’s been doing.

Well, a lot happened today. Lots more to come this week. Cheers.

a wonderful weekend

I just sent off my good friend back to Salem. He is such a sweetie. We met a while ago when I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for friends. He was one of the few that replied and he seemed nice and even though he is overweight, he’s quite sweet and a great guy. He spent the night last night, and he and I slept very well. I was surprised that I slept as well as I did considering it’s so stifling warm. There’s something oddly comforting about sleeping next to someone you care about. It was so nice we plan on doing it again soon.

As I begin week four, I hope that the next few days are bearable as I have a ton of work to do.

a week of stress? perhaps, but it should be worth it in the end

I have completed yet another week of classes. With three weeks officially under my belt, one might think I was doing great, and I am but things are getting rough. As I write this on my iPod, I look forward to a restful weekend. I have tasks that must be completed, they are minor. For my 2D design class, I have to start making my final book. We are making a book that is free that will express all the very few concepts we have learned. It should be interesting to say the least. For my page layout class, I need to continue finding and formatting text. I have already found some phenomenal images that I hope to include in this book.

It is kinda stressful having to make two books in the same term, but the good part is that my 2D design class is all right brain and the page layout class is all left brain. So I'm getting both sides of my brain worked out and it's freakin' it out! :D I just have to lie here and listen to loud music and allow my brain to leave for a while.

On another great note, I am having a semi-boyfriend over this weekend. But before he can even consider coming over I've got to clean my room. It's so messy it's embarrassing at this point. Gross, gross, gross!!!!

Okay it's really late. I have more to talk about, but it will have to wait for tomorrow. Cheers!

party in...well I'm not really sure where, actually

Well another Monday has gone by and it was slightly good! I went to go see my counselor, whom I haven't seen for quite some time. It was a fruitful visit. We discussed how my mom and I are perhaps a bit too codependent on each other. I have experienced some unexplained anger toward her and we decided that perhaps Mom and I are a little too "enmeshed" as my counselor put it. I would have to agree. I think that what we have is wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better intervention when I was sixteen. But there comes a time when the birds must leave the nest. I do believe my time has come to make some important strides toward independence. The only problem with bringing it up to Mom is she always brings up money...and since I have none she supports me somewhat. I would love to be more financially independent but that's just not feasible at this point. I would really like to find a few clients for whom I can design some webpages and other business stuff for but that goal seems like it's getting further and further out of my grasp. I have a few clients in the works--one of whom doesn't have any semblance of a website which is actually quite unnerving simply because creating something from the ground up is quite difficult. However, I do feel adequate enough to take on the job even though I've only ever done very simple personal websites.

Well enough chit chat...I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.

ch-ch-changes!

Well, last night the date I was supposed to have flaked on me. It's one thing after another it seems. I have other people that I like more, so this is not really worth my time :P Opportunities open or close for a reason I suppose. Maybe Mom is right, and this guy is some psycho or something. Whatever it is, there has to be a reason for this not working out. I may meet him once and not do it again. We'll see. Any advice would help!

Anyway, there is a guy with whom I play World of Warcraft that I'm really interested in meeting. He seems like a really nice guy. He's a total goof ball, living at home but planning on going to college next fall and moving out (and he really needs to also), and he's tall (me likey). He's not exactly my perfect physical type but we get along so well online that I'm sure I could get over that. There's nothing a little hair styling and clothes can't help out (me for example, heehee). Did I mention he's a redhead? Definitely mysterious and sexy.

I quit my job at Oaks Park. I couldn't stand working with trashy people (both employees and customers) everyday. Mom said it perfectly: I just outgrew the job. It worked fine for me when I was fresh out of high school and naïve. But being the mom she is, she also said that I've "grown up" a lot in the past year or so. It makes sense to me. I want to be on my own, I want love and companionship, and I want independence and a career. I'm tired of being a kid all the time. I want to be able to have the things in life that I've desired for so long: a husband and family of my own, a nice house/apartment somewhere close to my job, a close small circle of friends, and freedom to do as I choose. It's not a lot of ask for, but I still have a few years of preparation to be able to do it. Time will tell, and the anticipation that I may be able to do/have these things is motivation for me to do what I have to do. I already have a start on my family with my puppy Cooper.

All right now to go clean house. apply for work, and do some much neglected homework. Happy Sunday, everyone!

phoenix

I feel like I've awoken from a long, somewhat restful sleep. It was unnatural how long I slept, quiet and alone. I dreamt I was running alone in the wilderness, unable to see through the thickness of trees and brush, thorns and twigs scratching at my skin and eyes, blood trickling from my superficial wounds. I was panicked. Panicked. No matter which way I turned it all looked the same, the same moss-covered trees and logs, the same shrubs bearing bright red, poisonous berries. A beast was gnawing on my stomach, begging to be fed. I tried to scream, but my dry throat knew no sound. I ran, stumbled, fell. Everywhere I went, I was surrounded by horror and deep oblivion.

It struck me then. The only thing that this forest was vulnerable to was fire. I only had to ignite the fire within me. This place was only my imagination after all. My heart burned hot, searing the beast in my abdomen. Flames engulfed my torso, moving out rapidly to my extremities. Fire burned everything around me, the wilderness collapsed around me in a heap of ash, white flames radiated from my body. Wave after wave of passion rose in me, pushing the fire further and further from my body. When the fire died out around me, I collapsed naked on the ground, exhausted from the passion that had overcome me.

Fear had fled. My terror passed. I was free of the torment. Calmly I lay there, feeling each cold breath enter my chest, cooling the fire. The heat subsided, but it still remained. The reminder that I had it in me to move forward, to rise like the phoenix from the ashes naked and vulnerable. My chest rose and fell; slow, careful breaths crept in and escaped. In place of fire moved quiet strength. I rose a new man. I knew I would never be the same.

the drama that is my life :P

Even though my life is probably not all that interesting, it's very dramatic at times. So yesterday morning I took Cooper outside without a leash on. Now, he's normally fine when it comes to going out in the morning just to pee and then coming back in, but so often he gets antsy and decides to run around....and usually that's fine because I just leave him outside with the door open and he'll run back in when he realizes that I'm not playing with him at that moment.

But I waited for a while, and he didn't come back. So I walked around for about an hour and a half looking for him, thinking I heard him barking around the neighborhood. Well after exhausting myself with worry I went home crying with a headache. I tried working on my term paper, but to no avail. I was so sick with worry, all I could do was sit outside and wait for the pup to show up...but then Mom called. She said that we needed to go to the pound to see if we could find him there. She said to look up the number online, but when I got to the website, they had a posting system where people could post dogs they had found--not cats obviously because cats do not get lost...unless you're our cat, who freaks out if he (accidentally) goes out hehe. Well it turns out that he had followed a kid to school, and one of the teachers got him and put him in her car. Well, I was going crazy for nothing. He was safe; and he won't be disappearing again anytime soon. Little bugger. :D

A week in the life....

So last week, my grandparents went out of town. Well they have a pregnant horse that needs to be fed very regularly and I started off last week without a car so I had to ride my bike about 3 miles roundtrip to get there from the bus. That wouldn't have been a problem except that I haven't ridden my bicycle seriously for about three years. Needless to say, I'm very out of shape...VERY. Haha...I seriously think I couldn't breathe for about thirty minutes after I got there. But I fed the horses, and went up to tend to my grandparent's new kitten, Shorty, who curled up on my lap while we both slept for quite some time. Well, then I went back over to feed and trekked off the school (after taking a shower of course). That was a fun adventure that I had to repeat the following day until Friday, when I discovered that my license had not been suspended, but that it will be if I don't pay my ticket soon. Arg. So this week I get to drive out there which is certainly more accessible by motor vehicle than by cycling—although it would be healthy for this fat ass to be shocked into getting back into shape....which has been fairly neglected for the past month or so.

Which leads me to my next topic of transgression. I have been feeling so ugly for the past week or so. It usually happens when I hit a low from depression. I feel fat and sluggish. I'm not eating healthily at all, and I haven't done yoga for quite some time. I went to a gay bar a couple Wednesdays ago and I got no love—except by a guy who was hugging everyone. So, here I am, my stout, stocky 180 pounds of me, surrounded by (some healthy some not) thinner men who look fantastic. I show up to the bar with a dyke friend of mine, just because we wanted to hang out and sell raffle tickets for SMYRC. I am not looking hot. Here's my look from head to toe: I had on my off-white Old Navy baseball cap, which I have gracelessly distressed; an ill-fitting bright blue sweater that is a really good color, but it's made from really cheap cotton and stretches out awkwardly by the end of the day; I have on my lazy, I'm-feeling-fat jeans that actually make my butt look decent; and my shoes are my two-year-old Nikes that are a little too loved. And the best part is that I didn't shower that day. Well I had a couple guys flirt with me before the drag show started and all the hot guys showed up. (BTW I can't stand drag; it's just not my thing.) So yeah, that little story put a big damper on my second gay bar experience, proving yet again that I just don't fit in with the "scene" in Portland, which is my main reason for disliking P-town to begin with. It's almost as if I need to find a man and then move back here, but what would the point of the be? I know living in places like Seattle and New York are more expensive, but for me it's worth it if I know I can find something do to at any time, day or night.

All right enough mulling, I have to get to class and then later tonight I have to pound out at least two pages for my term paper in art history—which is due Thursday. I have a stack of books about ten inches high at home with research for the Duomo of Florence Cathedral by Fillipo Brunelleschi. It is said to mark the beginning of the Renaissance; it was a controversial design that ultimately ended up changing the face of art and architecture forever. We still define many of our designs today with Renaissance art and architecture. Now to put that in a paper....wish me luck!

well i've done it...

I broke my computer. Not on purpose of course, but I dropped my laptop, which I carry with me everywhere. Normally it's not a problem, except that I sometimes can be careless with it. I set it down a bit too hard once this weekend and thus cracked my monitor. So the whole bottom third of the screen is permanently white and some "dead" pixel spots (black or permanently RGB) keep developing on the top two thirds of the monitor. I am devastated. I use my computer all the time for everything. It's basically my life. So maybe this is good and it will help break me from the unhealthy bond with a machine....haha.

Well I thought that this would be a good opportunity to get a new MacBook Pro, but that hunk of aluminum costs over three thousand bucks. I can get a new screen for my laptop for under two fifty on eBay. Weighing the costs, I think that getting a new screen for my laptop (and finding somewhere to recycle my current monitor which contains mercury and arsenic, as all LCDs with fluorescent backlights have in them). So with that in mind, I go into the next month mindful of the fact that I must come up with money for bills and money for a new computer screen. Things just don't seem to go well for me. I don't know where I picked up this bad karma. Oh well, let's hope I can set it right here soon.

and another week!

Well, I made it through week seven out of ten! So there are just three more weeks until finals week and then spring break. I will have an online final for art history and a final for linguistics. We will be done in my sexual minorities youth during week ten, so that'll be done before then. Whew!

Well my week went by pretty blah. I went to all my classes that I wanted to. I didn't go on Thursday because I had the worst allergies. I had horrible allergies today also. I have been sleeping for ten or more hours a night....er day...I'd wake up early to take the dog out, put him in his kennel. Then, I would fall asleep for another few hours and wake up with a raging headache. Decidedly the past two days haven't been pleasant, but it could have been worse.

In some good news, I got a "D" on my art history exam because I ran out of time to complete it. Well I emailed my professor before she graded the exams explaining that I have ADD pretty bad and that it affects how I take exams (especially timed ones), and she finally got back to me after the exams were graded. I was kinda depressed after I got the grade on Tuesday night, but come Thursday she emailed me and said it was reset for Saturday all day (for 90 minutes again). But it gets even better. She said that if I didn't have enough time to finish the comparative essays online that I could bring her a paper copy to class on Tuesday. Wow, if you ask for a little bit, it seems that it works out in the long run. ADD really is detrimental to my grades (and my SAT scores), but because it is not medically diagnosed, I can't go through the Disability Resource Center on campus. But professors are generally more than accommodating when it comes to such matters, so it's just a matter of asking.

feeling off and I can't figure out why

You know how you just have off days? Well, today is one of those days for me. It could be because it's hump day...gotta love the humps... :D

On a positive note, I spied a super hot guy on my way to the library today. Too bad I think he was straight. :-\

I can't decide...

I really enjoy having Cooper...sometimes. And at other times he's more trouble than the pleasure he gives. I like taking him for walks, but it seems that no matter how long I take him out, he always has to go out every fifteen minutes or so. I usually end up putting him in his kennel or else I get annoyed with him because I can't get anything done. I end up taking all my time just to focus on the mangy mutt that won't hold still but for a few seconds at a time. I take him out running, and he just won't hold still--even though he's extremely exhausted. I don't know what to do. Should I keep him? Or should I send him elsewhere where it might be better for him to get out of the puppy stage (labs tend to have a two-year puppy stage)? I'm still torn on what to do. It just seems like no matter what I do to try to like this poor guy, he just can't live up to my expectations or something....maybe I'm not a dog person after all...

Coming up and out...without meaning to

I was thirteen years old. I was becoming aware of my sexuality slowly before, but it started to pick up as middle school progressed. I started to look at pictures of shirtless men—I even had a little collection of pictures cut from magazines. I also wrote little erotic stories about experiences with other men. I had dreams about men.

I didn’t know it was considered wrong by anyone at the time…until my stepmom found a story I had written. I don’t remember what it was about, but it was fairly explicit. I got home from school one day, and my parents called me down to their bedroom. This was what happened if ever any of us children were in trouble. I wondered what I had done, but it seemed like something new every week. I walked timidly into their room, not knowing what to expect. There, sitting on their dresser was the story I had left on my night stand. My stepmom (who later turned out to be crazy) looked at me with utter disdain; my dad looked ashamed and quiet like he did when he was especially angry about something. They asked me about the story, which included some explicit sexual acts. I didn’t know what to say since I was utterly shocked that there was a problem with what I had written. I just had to deny having such feelings or desires and say that it was something that I maybe wanted to try but wouldn’t ever go through with it.

I think this experience resulted in sexual trauma and caused me to shove my sexuality so deep inside that I denied it until very recently. Living with right-wing conservatives parents put me so deep in the closet that it caused much trauma to pull it out nearly ten years later. Teens need a healthy outlet, and living in a small town in Oregon did not help that. My community was very antigay, and I was always teased for being a “fag” or gay. I didn’t know what that was; I just knew that I liked boys. While I was closeted, I developed homophobic attitudes based on my parents’ attitudes. The very idea of being gay scared me to the point of developing a hatred of other gays. But gay guys at school fascinated me. It took a long time to accept who I was. I had to come to terms with my Christian beliefs, and it took a few years to come out to myself, then to select others, and then to everyone.

Coming out after repressing one’s homo/bisexuality is a long process. Experiencing trauma as a young teen, whether from peers or important adults, causes a lot of pain attached to whatever one was teased about or punished for. Getting over that is key to any person why wants to come out as LGBTQ. More and more youth are getting brave enough to come out to their loved ones, sometimes to great pain. But in the end, coming out is much healthier than repressing it for your whole life. From one previously closeted homo: don’t put it off; I’m the happiest I’ve been since my younger years.

happy hump day!

So I am officially halfway through this dreadful week. My linguistics exam was muy fácil. So much so that I finished it in about 30 minutes. I was supposed to have finished a paper for my class tonight, but Mom and I finally got things resolved between us. We both had a good cry session last night when I should have been working on my homework. She said some pretty hurtful things, and it threw me off today.

Well, I asked for an extension on my paper, and I plan on having it done by Friday after I have taken my art history midterm, which may prove harder than my linguistics exam. I have three days from which to choose to do it, but when I begin the exam I will only have something like two hours to complete it. I hate timed exams because I always do poorly on them. I can't concentrate and having that time constraint makes my concentration wane even more.

As you know from a previous post, I had a little tantrum and broke my phone. Well, I ordered a new one online today. The enV. It's supposed to be the best phone Verizon has, so I figured I'd give it a shot. It's really kind of ugly, but it has a 2.0 megapixel camera instead of the standard 1.3 megapixel camera that most phones come with. It's kind of cool though because it flips open and has a full keyboard in the inside. It's going to take some getting used to, but in the end texting and posting stuff on the web should be substantially easier.

In other news, Cooper is doing well. The Australian cattle dog (blue heeler) part of him is getting the better of him, and he is starting to nip. So I'm trying to break him of that, but then it's like telling him not to breathe since that's what blue heelers were bred to do. He loves to chase me though. I can run around in a field forever and he would chase me, nipping of course. It's so crazy how much breeding has ingrained these instincts into the dogs. Some of the lab tendencies that he has are playing fetch (without training), lying on my lap, and constantly having to be near me. He is so attached to me. Mom says that when I leave him home with her that he whines for about five minutes...how sad!

Some bad habits he has are eating random things. He recently passed a penny, and Mom claims to have seen him eat some screws (let's hope they don't hurt him). The worst one is that he has acquired the taste of kitty poo. I catch him eating out the litter box all the time--one more thing to break him of. Another odd thing that he does is when it's raining, he will lick the ground to drink! You'd think we never fed or gave him water. I try to tell him that most of the water on the ground is contaminated with oil but, he won't listen to me. I tell him that eating rhododendrons is not too healthy but he insists on eating a bit of it every time I take him out. He's full of quirks and I'll have to post all of them in list form some time.

Well it's late and Coldplay is putting me to sleep. So I hope everyone's hump day went well. Cheers everyone!! There're only two more days this week then the weekend! YAAAYYYYYY!

a fruitful weekend

So let's see what did I complete this weekend? Six short papers (approx. a page each), three chapter homework assignments, three problem sets, a bunch of reading, and some studying for my midterm on Tuesday. Even with all that, I still need to complete studying for my linguistics midterm on Tuesday, start and complete a five-page essay by Wednesday, study for my art history midterm which will comprise of reading approximately 400 pages of reading that I have not done for the entire term. The reason I'm so behind is because I have been a little down, but the main reason is because I have been consumed with puppyhood. For the past six weeks, I have been taking care of the Coopster, which turned out to be quite a task. Even now I must put him in his kennel in order to be able to complete a thing, seriously. I'll be sure to post more as the drama of the midterm week unfolds.

In good news, Josh and I are going to do something fun for Valentines Day, our one monther, and for the end of midterm week on Friday. We have decided to go bowling and then I will go to his house for the night and sleep in his bed cuddled up next to him. Depending on how things go, we may take it to the next level. But we'll discuss that when the time comes. Live in the moment.

Something is not right...

So I don't know what's wrong with me, but I've been sleeping for ten or more hours at night. I don't know if it's because of a drug interaction or what, but my medications have not changed, only when I take them. Maybe I need to go back to taking certain meds in the morning and leaving the night free for taking the sleep aid...

Problems on the homefront

So there has been a wake of drama and problems at home in the past week. Some things have been said and done on both sides that are not right and may take a long time to heal if they aren't dealt with correctly or promptly. I feel bad for doing and saying some things, but the other involved party can't see past their issues either. I know that I need to make things right.

So you, my blogging friends, need to keep me accountable! I have some things I need to by the end of this week. And some things by the end of next week.

• Apply to 5 jobs a day Thursday and Friday.
• Finish all my back homework! And it's not as bad as I think it is....
• Call my counselor and make it current, even if he doesn't know how to deal with gay issues, he helps with other stuff.
• Get out and have some fun this weekend. I don't have money, but there's stuff to do around town that doesn't include having to pay!

To top off this fine evening I get back to my car only to find that it has been towed! So my grandparents are going to have to bail us out, and I'm going to have to go out to their place and work off the fee :( I can't believe I am such a dumbass. The problem with parking in a private lot is that it's never consistent as to when they will actually call and tow your car. It doesn't really make sense to tow your vehicle AFTER HOURS at a bank...but then when does life make sense. What I don't need is a few hundred dollar tow charge. Oh well. I'm sitting at the building from which it was towed, and all my old friends from the architecture department are walking by. How humiliating! Ugh. Lesson learned I suppose. And I got pissed tonight and threw and broke my phone. How smart of me. Another thing I can't afford right now is a new phone. RAZRs are shit, but they are on sale from Verizon with a new two -year contract (after paying the full $100 up front of course). Looks like my contract is up next month, so I'll be able to get a break on a new phone. And to top it all off, I am soaking wet from walking through torrents of rain downtown...my suede shoes are soaked and ruined. I hate Oregon...

Looks like like just isn't going my way at the moment. I hope that it will get better--it always does--but when the shit hits the fan, it makes the biggest mess ever! Hope everyone else's hump day went slightly better....slightly. Heh heh....

I can't get away

And I desperately need to. Among taking care of Cooper, my recovering mother, and starting my homework, I am stretched too thin. Cooper is easy, I can just take him for a long walk and he will play for a while and sleep. The only problem is that he will wake up in about two hours to have to go out. Speaking of which, I was extremely exhausted last night, when I got up with Cooper this morning to take him out he just went out to pee, which is normal. Then I sat on the couch to wait for him to eat some and take him out again. The problem this morning is that I fell asleep before I could take him out a second time, so he ended up pooping like two tons in the house. I woke up to that smell burning my nose, reluctantly disciplined him (I don't understand why he won't whine at me if I'm not paying attention), and took him out. I decided I would have no more of that so I put him in his kennel, while I dozed off again.

Soon enough Mom came downstairs, apologizing for her crappy attitude last night. But I guess I should start from the beginning...So she came home Thursday, the day after her surgery. Everything seemed to go well, she was very tired but otherwise okay. I went to class on Thursday in the evening. But I met a friend whom I hadn't seen for quite some time, and we had dinner. I enjoyed her company, but I didn't go to my second class. I don't really enjoy going to art history, so I don't feel bad about skipping, especially since I am well beyond the class. Anyway, I digress. All is well with her, she received a call from her doctor saying that she is officially CANCER FREE!!!! So that was very good news. But good news or not, being cooped up in the house (and the hospital) with her for five straight days is a bit much for anyone to handle. She already has much to say about my life, though I am trying my damnedest to free myself even just a little from her smothering. Now I know I am just growing up, but I've had several people say the same thing. She has too deep a hold in my life; she affects nearly every action I take. While I would like to move out on my own, I can't afford it at the moment. That being said, living at home is quite cheap, and I plan on living cheap for some time. Until then, however, I must remind her that it is my life and that she doesn't have much to say about it unless it affects her directly, in which case I will gladly concede or find a compromise.

Now to start my homework, which always seems so daunting until I actually start it. Then it is really quite easy, but the problem with it being so easy is that I get bored quickly. I just can't get too happy, can I?

A long, long day.

8:45 am Well I’m stuck in the hospital with no WiFi, and I’m writing this in Word. I down eating breakfast in the new cafeteria, which isn’t any better than the old one. I’m eating overcooked oatmeal and a nice fruit bowl. I’m also drinking a diet Pepsi, which is likely going to make me even sleepier than I already am. In fact, I’m going to lie down here on the banquette and sleep. Gran should wake me up when I need to get up...

12:15 pm Well, awesome news! The tumor is officially out, and everything looks good. I hate not being able to post this right away, but this is fine that I can still type it up while it’s still fresh. The surgeon said the tumor was the size of his fist (he has surgeon’s hands). He also said the pathology report was unclear. It is still inconclusive about whether the tumor is benign or malignant, but we should know for sure next week, when she has per first post-op appointment.

1:30 pm A pair of genderqueer persons came into the surgery waiting room. My grandpa was up at the counter when they were checking in. He came back over, saying, “Look at those boys!” obviously a bit excited that he had found these strange looking “boys.” I saw them and instantly could tell they were born to the assigned female sex, and I could also tell they were very androgynous, fitting neither gender slot, but rather what is known as “genderqueer.” I said that and my grandparents didn’t understand how someone can be neither gender…sigh. I think it’s wonderful that these two individuals are brave enough to be out in the world and proud of their chosen genders.

3:30 pm I finally got to go to Mom’s room, 129B, at around two. It’s a shared room, but the other person left and Mom requested to have a room alone so they said they will put this room last on the list to fill with a new patient…who knows how long that will last. I took Cooper out, who has been a trooper this week, having to spend all day Monday and all day today in the car in his kennel. So I took him out for a long walk and to play ball. He loves to play ball, inside or out, and he is so good because he will always bring back the ball (or the stick—his favorite). I feel bad for the mutt, but he’s being a trooper. Cooper the trooper…maybe a paratrooper. I don’t think he’s going to be skydiving anytime soon though. :) For now she is pain free and sleeping comfortably. I think I can make it awake through most of the night; although Gran is trying to wrestle me for the night here. I think we can talk about after class gets out, which should be interesting since I am completely exhausted.

6:30 pm I’m out of class early. My prof isn’t feeling well so she decided to let us to the rally for the same sex domestic partnership law, which was banned by an out-of-state before it could come into effect January 1. So people are headed down there to help rally for equal rights for all. If only we could get marriage ratified… I have a lot to do tonight. So perhaps it is good that I am out of class early and that I’m going to be up all night. I utterly exhausted because I slept so poorly today, but I should be able to recover by the time the weekend is over. Mom is talking softly and she can swallow light food like Jell-O. I’m headed back to the hospital, where I don’t have Internet connectivity. Why on earth would a hospital not have a public WiFi connection? Someone please explain that. Cheers to all and sorry for such a long post. A lot happened today.