ch-ch-changes!

Well, last night the date I was supposed to have flaked on me. It's one thing after another it seems. I have other people that I like more, so this is not really worth my time :P Opportunities open or close for a reason I suppose. Maybe Mom is right, and this guy is some psycho or something. Whatever it is, there has to be a reason for this not working out. I may meet him once and not do it again. We'll see. Any advice would help!

Anyway, there is a guy with whom I play World of Warcraft that I'm really interested in meeting. He seems like a really nice guy. He's a total goof ball, living at home but planning on going to college next fall and moving out (and he really needs to also), and he's tall (me likey). He's not exactly my perfect physical type but we get along so well online that I'm sure I could get over that. There's nothing a little hair styling and clothes can't help out (me for example, heehee). Did I mention he's a redhead? Definitely mysterious and sexy.

I quit my job at Oaks Park. I couldn't stand working with trashy people (both employees and customers) everyday. Mom said it perfectly: I just outgrew the job. It worked fine for me when I was fresh out of high school and naïve. But being the mom she is, she also said that I've "grown up" a lot in the past year or so. It makes sense to me. I want to be on my own, I want love and companionship, and I want independence and a career. I'm tired of being a kid all the time. I want to be able to have the things in life that I've desired for so long: a husband and family of my own, a nice house/apartment somewhere close to my job, a close small circle of friends, and freedom to do as I choose. It's not a lot of ask for, but I still have a few years of preparation to be able to do it. Time will tell, and the anticipation that I may be able to do/have these things is motivation for me to do what I have to do. I already have a start on my family with my puppy Cooper.

All right now to go clean house. apply for work, and do some much neglected homework. Happy Sunday, everyone!

Problems on the homefront

So there has been a wake of drama and problems at home in the past week. Some things have been said and done on both sides that are not right and may take a long time to heal if they aren't dealt with correctly or promptly. I feel bad for doing and saying some things, but the other involved party can't see past their issues either. I know that I need to make things right.

So you, my blogging friends, need to keep me accountable! I have some things I need to by the end of this week. And some things by the end of next week.

• Apply to 5 jobs a day Thursday and Friday.
• Finish all my back homework! And it's not as bad as I think it is....
• Call my counselor and make it current, even if he doesn't know how to deal with gay issues, he helps with other stuff.
• Get out and have some fun this weekend. I don't have money, but there's stuff to do around town that doesn't include having to pay!

To top off this fine evening I get back to my car only to find that it has been towed! So my grandparents are going to have to bail us out, and I'm going to have to go out to their place and work off the fee :( I can't believe I am such a dumbass. The problem with parking in a private lot is that it's never consistent as to when they will actually call and tow your car. It doesn't really make sense to tow your vehicle AFTER HOURS at a bank...but then when does life make sense. What I don't need is a few hundred dollar tow charge. Oh well. I'm sitting at the building from which it was towed, and all my old friends from the architecture department are walking by. How humiliating! Ugh. Lesson learned I suppose. And I got pissed tonight and threw and broke my phone. How smart of me. Another thing I can't afford right now is a new phone. RAZRs are shit, but they are on sale from Verizon with a new two -year contract (after paying the full $100 up front of course). Looks like my contract is up next month, so I'll be able to get a break on a new phone. And to top it all off, I am soaking wet from walking through torrents of rain downtown...my suede shoes are soaked and ruined. I hate Oregon...

Looks like like just isn't going my way at the moment. I hope that it will get better--it always does--but when the shit hits the fan, it makes the biggest mess ever! Hope everyone else's hump day went slightly better....slightly. Heh heh....

Another day, another day...

Now I am actually in a good mood, even though my title seems a little down. I have a LOT going on right now, so I'm really overwhelmed. Two weeks ago, winter term at Portland State began. Also that week I got a new puppy. I was dealing with my newly acquired tickets from Aberdeen, and mentally preparing for my Monday court date. In addition, my mom's health is getting worse, and she is becoming increasingly worried as her surgery next Wednesday approaches (though I can't say I'm not worried, I tend to internalize it while she vocalizes which makes me think about it more often).

More pointedly, I recently acquired a new man. He is amazing, even though he doesn't see it. I am exploring myself in new ways that I've never felt. I like it, but there are parts that confuse me. I am going to talk to him more about some key issues. I think we need to talk about some issues before we both become too attached--and we're both very attached as it is.

So there is a lot of stress when there shouldn't be. Well, it's well past midnight and I may just sleep on the couch because I'm trying to kennel train Cooper, and I may not hear him cry out if he needs to go out tonight. Who knew puppies were so demanding and stressful....and expensive, but that's another story for another day. Another day...

Puppy, work, classes, etc...

Yesterday afternoon, my cousin Nicole and ex-boyfriend–now–just–friend Nathan, called and asked if we wanted a puppy. I said sure, and they came over to give us the pup, an adorable Labrador-Blue Heeler mix. He's all black with white feet (all four) and white markings on his face and chest. He's so mellow and cute. Only eight weeks old, he is a handful, super clingy like most puppies are when separated from the litter too soon. He's not housebroken yet, so we're working on that one...close watching is required to prevent him from doing things in the house. We were going to call him Jasper, but that didn't fit him. I went to my grandmother's house, and she suggested Cooper. It stuck. It's perfect for him. Plus, it's an awesome name. When I take him to the dog park and some hot guy asks what his name is, "Cooper" is extremely awesome. Thanks Granna!

Some of the bad things about him is that he isn't housebroken yet, he is teething so he's chewing on everything—seriously everything—he doesn't sleep through the night yet, and our cat, Sam, is freaking out. Our cat is a Siamese, but with an extremely amiable temperament. He's about eight years old and set in his ways. He is really upset about this new addition. He even vomited today on Mom's silk brocade bed spread. He's shedding profusely, and he won't come anywhere near Cooper. I feel horrible for him, and I've decided that if Sam doesn't adjust within the week, then we can't keep the puppy. :( Oh well, I don't know if I'll be in love with him so much if he doesn't learn to sleep through the night.

So I've got a pseudo-job. The company I drove for last Friday is hiring me on to help finish cleaning up the paint shop. It's not too difficult, and it pays thirteen bucks an hour. I really don't like blue collar labor, but you gotta do the icky stuff to get to do the fun stuff later on. Plus, I can take Cooper there, no problem, except that my supervisor has an adult dog that usually comes to work with him. I don't know how Cooper will react to the new dog; I may be keeping Coop in the car if he reacts badly since the other dog tends to like to bite.

Ah I went to my first class today. I have just one class on Monday, Sexual and Gender Minority Youth. My professor is nice, and she really has passion for LGBTQIAP issues. If any more letters get added to the acronym, it's going to be out of control—if it's not already. Heh. I'm taking the class so I know what's out there for me. I'm not a "youth" per se, but I am newly out and not sure where to start in the Portland queer scene. So this will help familiarize me with the LGBT youth community, which can lead to knowing more about the adult community. The Portland Q Center seems like a good resource, but there aren't many event's that sound particularly interesting. I don't do the drinking/partying scene so my options are kinda limited in Portland. If only I could find a place where the gay intellectuals are....

Well, Monday is over and I'm utterly exhausted. Yoga tonight was refreshing and relaxing, I felt like I could have kept on doing it for an hour or so. I'm just that tense. Strangely, I carry much of my tension in my abdomen and lower back.