Problems on the homefront

So there has been a wake of drama and problems at home in the past week. Some things have been said and done on both sides that are not right and may take a long time to heal if they aren't dealt with correctly or promptly. I feel bad for doing and saying some things, but the other involved party can't see past their issues either. I know that I need to make things right.

So you, my blogging friends, need to keep me accountable! I have some things I need to by the end of this week. And some things by the end of next week.

• Apply to 5 jobs a day Thursday and Friday.
• Finish all my back homework! And it's not as bad as I think it is....
• Call my counselor and make it current, even if he doesn't know how to deal with gay issues, he helps with other stuff.
• Get out and have some fun this weekend. I don't have money, but there's stuff to do around town that doesn't include having to pay!

To top off this fine evening I get back to my car only to find that it has been towed! So my grandparents are going to have to bail us out, and I'm going to have to go out to their place and work off the fee :( I can't believe I am such a dumbass. The problem with parking in a private lot is that it's never consistent as to when they will actually call and tow your car. It doesn't really make sense to tow your vehicle AFTER HOURS at a bank...but then when does life make sense. What I don't need is a few hundred dollar tow charge. Oh well. I'm sitting at the building from which it was towed, and all my old friends from the architecture department are walking by. How humiliating! Ugh. Lesson learned I suppose. And I got pissed tonight and threw and broke my phone. How smart of me. Another thing I can't afford right now is a new phone. RAZRs are shit, but they are on sale from Verizon with a new two -year contract (after paying the full $100 up front of course). Looks like my contract is up next month, so I'll be able to get a break on a new phone. And to top it all off, I am soaking wet from walking through torrents of rain downtown...my suede shoes are soaked and ruined. I hate Oregon...

Looks like like just isn't going my way at the moment. I hope that it will get better--it always does--but when the shit hits the fan, it makes the biggest mess ever! Hope everyone else's hump day went slightly better....slightly. Heh heh....

Great news and semi-good news

GREAT NEWS!!!! I plead guilty to the hit and run charge and I got no jail time and a $400 fine which will be paid for by the company I was driving for. Also the charge of driving without a CDL was dismissed AND if I keep my nose clean for 12 months the hit and run charge will be deferred (i.e., dismissed and removed from my criminal record). So I was extremely excited and then came the daunting sleepiness, so much so that I had to have Mom drive part of the way home. And, boy, did I sleep hard last night!

Semi-good news... Last post, I mentioned something about Josh's and my relationship taking a different turn. He's rapidly falling for me, but I am lacking the emotional and intellectual connection that I think every relationship needs. I asked to move it to just a friendship, and he understood fully. However, I'm not sure if I will ever develop love for him, and I know he will be hurt very much by that. I did warn him that I may not. We have some differences that may not work out in the long run, but for now I decided to stay friends with him (no more boyfriends) and we can have a little fun on the side, simply because our physical chemistry is pretty hot. So good (I hope) friends with benefits. I enjoy his company and he's pretty fun, but we're no longer "exclusive" as it were. I felt really bad, but he seemed to take it in stride. Although I know his feelings have to be hurt even just a little. Who knows? Maybe it will develop into something more, but I'm not counting out other people at this point. It is fun, so I definitely think we should stay friends. I enjoy his company and he, mine.

I've got to focus on discovering me at this point, and adding another man to equation wasn't the best idea for now. I think that's part of the reason I've been so stressed. I know it's silly, but I am young and spreading my wings. It is refreshing to have someone like me and like him back. We get along quite well and having a good friend is more important than having a lover/boyfriend in my opinion. Plus we are willing to have fun once in a while. :D

A steady weekend for a very unsteady week to come

The weekend was somewhat restful. I got some rest in, some homework done, and some time with Josh. The weekend was rather restful, but the coming week is going to be hell. So tomorrow, I have to get ready for court. I am supposed to go before the judge at 1:00 pm in Aberdeen, Washington. If you pray please do so at that time PST. I don't know what to expect except what I have seen on Law and Order, but then that's a bit of a false pretense. I know that it won't be so difficult, and I'm hoping that the cop who wrote my ticket isn't there, because if that's the case they will throw out my case (and I'll be forever grateful).

Also this week my mom is going in for surgery to have a (we hope) benign tumor removed from her neck. She has had a hell of a time with this thing and we both will be extremely happy that it will be gone. One very possible risk is vocal cord damage. Since she's a singer, that can pose a serious problem to her creative outlet. So Wednesday morning at 8:00 am please keep her in her thoughts and prayers.

On top of all this I still must attend classes and do my homework, which wouldn't be a problem except that Cooper is driving me insane. I absolutely adore him, but he is just too much a commitment for me at the moment. He's adorable and very lovable, but he can be quite annoying since he doesn't sleep though the night yet and he has to be taken out about once every 30 minutes or else he pisses on the floor. I know as he grows he'll get better (he's only 11 weeks as of today), but the process of him growing larger and more adultlike is almost too much for me to handle right now. It's not fair for him for me to not be able to give him my full attention like he needs. He's almost kennel trained, and nearly housebroken (except that I must watch him all the time because he won't always tell me he needs to go out). He can be most annoying at night because he doesn't sleep though the night yet. It makes my sleep patterns a bit erratic, which my doctor tells me is bad for my mental state (and I agree). It's almost like taking care of a child, except the dog will always be reliant on me for everything. Ugh...

Also, I've decided to take a different turn with Josh. More to come on that, but not until I have discussed it with him. Out of respect for his privacy, I won't share more here without his permission, but let's just say it's not what either of us was expecting.

All right it's extremely late, and I have to be up in less than four hours. What a way to go in to my court session....sigh...

A horrible Friday...and drab Saturday

Hmmmm, it's been a long past two days. So this post may end up being super long. So if you don't want to read, don't; otherwise...carry on. As in my last post, I was driving a truck yesterday. I drove to Aberdeen, Washington, to drop off a job box. Which was fine, but I got confused and tried to turn around somewhere that was too tight (just barely). I thought I just grazed a tree so I moved along, trying to finish the delivery. I went down the highway, and I was pulled over by the local police a few miles out. He said I had hit someone, and I was really surprised by that. I wouldn't have left the scene had I known I'd hit another vehicle. He had me turn around and go back into town. I noticed on my way back that my load had come loose on two connections. I got back to the scene and realized that I had barely grazed a parked semi and knocked off a good chunk of tree. I think the diesel must have been groaning so loudly that I didn't hear any of that. After a few hours of being talked to by both the local police and the county sheriff, I was notified that I was not licensed to be driving the rig I was driving. It is rated for 30,000 pounds gross weight, and a normal Class C license is only up to 16,000 pounds or something like that. This part really pisses me off because I asked my employers twice if I was licensed to drive the truck.

So, I was charged with 3 law violations: driving without proof of insurance (which I'm not paying the $550 ticket for), hit and run (which is a criminal charge, and I hope that the judge will see that I didn't realize I'd hit anything), and driving a commercial vehicle without proper licensing (which is criminal also for some reason). Also the company I was driving for was charged for improper securing of the load, which is only a $124 ticket for something that puts many people including myself at risk for serious injury or death, compared to my uninsured ticket of over 500......When the tow truck came, the operator said that I was lucky I didn't get killed. So I have a court date for January 28 all the way back in friggin Aberdeen. Let's hope the judge will see my side of the story. I don't believe myself to be guilty of a hit and run, since I had no knowledge of hitting anyone. Let's just say that no matter what happens in the future, I am always going to get out and double and triple check the situation before I get on with my day.

All I have to say is FUCK!!!!!! That was just a shitty day and I slept for 14 hours last night because it was so stressful.

Well in other news.... (I'll keep it bulleted from here out)

• My date is chickening out on me because I don't have relationship experience and he's ready to settle down....at 21.
• I'm gearing up to get back to school on Monday.
• I'm still looking for a part time job. Although the university bookstore is hiring for their tech center, which sounds kinda fun.
• I put a purple streak in the front of my hair, but you can't see it because my hair is already dark....
• I am tired from yesterday.
• And I'm hungry and going to get some food right after I proof read and post this entry...

I hope your Saturday is wonderful. I might go out for the evening, but I don't have any money so there's no point. Lalalala. I may just stay in and jerk off a few times. Although it'd be more fun with someone else...hehe. Just say "no" to Craigslist! :D