So week four of spring term 2008 was blah...I dropped basic design because I was three weeks behind in work, which turned out to be hell going to the horse show last weekend. I had over 12 hours of homework to do...but I didn't ever have the opportunity to catch it up. Oh well I already took basic design anyway. Nothing interesting happened this week, which is probably why I didn't write anything lol.
Well, I have a story for today though...I was trying to clean up my flash drive. But instead of organizing it and making it perty, I erased ALL my work from this term for my digital graphics class. As you may have guessed I haven't taken the time to back up my work yet. >< That will teach me!!!!
In other bad news, I'm coming down with a cold. So when I go to work tomorrow, I will be carrying around tissues and washing my hands whenever possible. I don't feel like sharing...I should probably call in sick, but I can't really afford it. :P I'm unsuccessfully saving for a new computer monitor...that's most of the reason I haven't been blogging regularly. I need portability....and of course everything fails at the same time....my power cord is on the fritz too. Blearghhh!!!!!!!!!!
I know I'm being a total downer....so for some good news! I met someone online a while back and we've clicked online...so I'm open to dating. But you never know until you meet someone...you can have great talks on the phone and online, but chemistry is 90% of it. So here's hoping for the best. He seems like a great guy, and he thinks the same about me from what he's said.
Well, I'm off to bed to sleep off this cold. Nyquil, baby!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
insomniacs anonymous
I am in a weird place right now. I really enjoy my life...mostly. It's just really frustrating when you get stuck somewhere. I have been stuck in a place for a long time. It hasn't been a good place. But I'm on the up. Like my last entry a while back, I felt like a fire burned within me, trying to get out. It consumed everything around me, but never me. The ironic part about the fire was that the passion with the fire was still trapped in me. I recently got it out. It's not as rapturous as the 'phoenix' story; it's more of a process than a quick change.
The process drags on, but little steps are better than stagnancy. I changed my major officially to graphic design. I finally got into all my classes last week (that's week three if you didn't know), so not only do i have to prove that I want to be in these classes, I must catch up on all back work. The worst class is going to have to be basic design, which I already took at University of Oregon, but the term that I took it it was only offered in a Pass/No Pass option, but for my major I must take it for a grade. So here we go again. Haha. I think I will enjoy it as much this time as I did the first time around. Basic design is just that, basic, but it's invigorating to be able to design something so basic. Simplicity is my best design type. Simple does not mean easy by any means; in fact, it's quite difficult to keep something sparse while portraying depth of thought and intent.
I'm also in a digital graphics class. w00t! It's really easy and basic, but it's teaching me how to use Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop. Add a lower division art history class (from the Rococo to present age) and you've got a full term. My only complaint is that I have to take so many lower divisions classes (1-200 levels) before I can even submit my "sophomore" portfolio review. I could say that I wish I had started out here and just done my thing, but then I wouldn't have the experience of U of O, which is leaps and bounds above PSU.
Speaking of that, though, I was talking to my new counselor (and later with Mom) and we came to the conclusion that maybe I'm just ready move on to grad school. I'm advanced enough in critical thinking in art and architecture that I just get bored. When there's no challenge, I just say "fuck it" and don't do it. Because honestly I could do this stuff in my sleep, but I just don't put forward any effort in it. But I am giving myself a challenge. I am disallowing any missed classes except for emergencies only. I quite enjoy going to classes, and I am always a favorite of teachers (I think it's my Gemini social tendencies, which is ironic because I'm really shy).
So this term I think I just need to get credit for classes (and decent grades if I can swing it). I have an exam today that I likely won't do too well on because I hadn't been going to class until last week, but getting 40-50% is better than a zero in the end of it all. So this morning I must study and kick ass today in both my classes and then come home and work on four make up projects due tomorrow that I haven't had a chance to work on all weekend since I was out of town and working 14+ hours a day (and it works out to less than minimum wage in the end btw). It's not so bad; my only problem is that it was SNOWING in Oregon and it's freakin almost May. One plus is that I met a really cute paramedic there; he even asked my mom about me and when she told him I was gay, he raised it eyebrows and said "oh really" like he was interested. The really funny part about it is that I don't even know his name--I just know that he was cute and interested in me. :D
Alright, off to a big day. Happy Monday, everyone!
The process drags on, but little steps are better than stagnancy. I changed my major officially to graphic design. I finally got into all my classes last week (that's week three if you didn't know), so not only do i have to prove that I want to be in these classes, I must catch up on all back work. The worst class is going to have to be basic design, which I already took at University of Oregon, but the term that I took it it was only offered in a Pass/No Pass option, but for my major I must take it for a grade. So here we go again. Haha. I think I will enjoy it as much this time as I did the first time around. Basic design is just that, basic, but it's invigorating to be able to design something so basic. Simplicity is my best design type. Simple does not mean easy by any means; in fact, it's quite difficult to keep something sparse while portraying depth of thought and intent.
I'm also in a digital graphics class. w00t! It's really easy and basic, but it's teaching me how to use Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop. Add a lower division art history class (from the Rococo to present age) and you've got a full term. My only complaint is that I have to take so many lower divisions classes (1-200 levels) before I can even submit my "sophomore" portfolio review. I could say that I wish I had started out here and just done my thing, but then I wouldn't have the experience of U of O, which is leaps and bounds above PSU.
Speaking of that, though, I was talking to my new counselor (and later with Mom) and we came to the conclusion that maybe I'm just ready move on to grad school. I'm advanced enough in critical thinking in art and architecture that I just get bored. When there's no challenge, I just say "fuck it" and don't do it. Because honestly I could do this stuff in my sleep, but I just don't put forward any effort in it. But I am giving myself a challenge. I am disallowing any missed classes except for emergencies only. I quite enjoy going to classes, and I am always a favorite of teachers (I think it's my Gemini social tendencies, which is ironic because I'm really shy).
So this term I think I just need to get credit for classes (and decent grades if I can swing it). I have an exam today that I likely won't do too well on because I hadn't been going to class until last week, but getting 40-50% is better than a zero in the end of it all. So this morning I must study and kick ass today in both my classes and then come home and work on four make up projects due tomorrow that I haven't had a chance to work on all weekend since I was out of town and working 14+ hours a day (and it works out to less than minimum wage in the end btw). It's not so bad; my only problem is that it was SNOWING in Oregon and it's freakin almost May. One plus is that I met a really cute paramedic there; he even asked my mom about me and when she told him I was gay, he raised it eyebrows and said "oh really" like he was interested. The really funny part about it is that I don't even know his name--I just know that he was cute and interested in me. :D
Alright, off to a big day. Happy Monday, everyone!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
phoenix
I feel like I've awoken from a long, somewhat restful sleep. It was unnatural how long I slept, quiet and alone. I dreamt I was running alone in the wilderness, unable to see through the thickness of trees and brush, thorns and twigs scratching at my skin and eyes, blood trickling from my superficial wounds. I was panicked. Panicked. No matter which way I turned it all looked the same, the same moss-covered trees and logs, the same shrubs bearing bright red, poisonous berries. A beast was gnawing on my stomach, begging to be fed. I tried to scream, but my dry throat knew no sound. I ran, stumbled, fell. Everywhere I went, I was surrounded by horror and deep oblivion.
It struck me then. The only thing that this forest was vulnerable to was fire. I only had to ignite the fire within me. This place was only my imagination after all. My heart burned hot, searing the beast in my abdomen. Flames engulfed my torso, moving out rapidly to my extremities. Fire burned everything around me, the wilderness collapsed around me in a heap of ash, white flames radiated from my body. Wave after wave of passion rose in me, pushing the fire further and further from my body. When the fire died out around me, I collapsed naked on the ground, exhausted from the passion that had overcome me.
Fear had fled. My terror passed. I was free of the torment. Calmly I lay there, feeling each cold breath enter my chest, cooling the fire. The heat subsided, but it still remained. The reminder that I had it in me to move forward, to rise like the phoenix from the ashes naked and vulnerable. My chest rose and fell; slow, careful breaths crept in and escaped. In place of fire moved quiet strength. I rose a new man. I knew I would never be the same.
It struck me then. The only thing that this forest was vulnerable to was fire. I only had to ignite the fire within me. This place was only my imagination after all. My heart burned hot, searing the beast in my abdomen. Flames engulfed my torso, moving out rapidly to my extremities. Fire burned everything around me, the wilderness collapsed around me in a heap of ash, white flames radiated from my body. Wave after wave of passion rose in me, pushing the fire further and further from my body. When the fire died out around me, I collapsed naked on the ground, exhausted from the passion that had overcome me.
Fear had fled. My terror passed. I was free of the torment. Calmly I lay there, feeling each cold breath enter my chest, cooling the fire. The heat subsided, but it still remained. The reminder that I had it in me to move forward, to rise like the phoenix from the ashes naked and vulnerable. My chest rose and fell; slow, careful breaths crept in and escaped. In place of fire moved quiet strength. I rose a new man. I knew I would never be the same.
