Post n° 100!

Horrah, horrah. I guess that means I’m just a big windbag. Hehe.

I’m trying to look up classes for this term, but the interwebz is being slow on the school site. The internet seems to like to block certain connections. I even went to Crate and Barrel’s website and nothin’. I couldn’t even access the site. I think it took so long to load that it timed out. I don’t really get it since even Qwest’s site loads like molasses. It just seems to take a very long time to ping to a server properly. I think there may be something wrong with the modem/router. I don’t really care all that much since I will most likely be spending way more time on campus this term than in the past. I wish I could do something about leaving Cooper for so long, but there really isn’t much I can do about him being home all day for so long. He’ll likely get over it, and Mom is home every day around four in the afternoon or so. Good thing is that my first class doesn’t start until noon and I have Fridays off.

I’m really looking forward to this new term. I feel confident that I will succeed because I have a good amount of medicine running in my brain. :-p All right, bed time for me.

things are looking up

It has been a rough week, but I’ve gotten through it…fortunately. I am kinda (barely) liking where I’m living for the moment. I would rather it were in a better location, but it will be really nice when I’m done fixing it up. My puppy is lying on my floor sleeping on his blanket. It’s quaint and cute, but it makes me feel normal. Sure I take hundreds of milligrams of medication every day, but I am not ill when I take them. Thankfully, I am getting better and better. Meds are working! I’m excited, and life goes on.

Ugh my hard drive is click click clicking, I hope it’s not failing…Apple will owe me a new drive if it does. I do what they recommend every time I carry my laptop. My computer was completely silent when I first got it. This always happens to my drives. I think I may need to turn my firewall back up to keep people out! Hehe. ’kay, I’m taking an Ambien and going to bed.

A long few days

When you don’t have medication for a week, it can wear on you for many reasons. On the plus side, I got my meds yesterday. On the negative side, it’s going to take a few days for the meds to take full effect. So for now I’m experiencing some acute psychosis. Paranoia and hallucinations for the past couple days. I’m hoping that it will pass as fast as it came on. I need to get up kind of early tomorrow to take care of some stuff around here. It will be an adventure this weekend coming into next week full force going back to school full time—that’s sixteen credits not twelve—getting some stuff wrapped up for my place, and doing laundry.

For school, I went to campus yesterday and I want to take some classes that I can’t technically take out of sequence, so I am going to have to do a special studies class for color theory, a type class, and an art history class. I am going to try to squeeze in one more class, but we’ll see how that goes. I might have to change it up so I can go to school full time all year rather than part of the year, which was my prior plan. As long as I complete all 79 credits in the next 24 months (well it’s less than than, but I don’t want to do the math for it right now). I will be graduated with a Bachelor of Art in Graphic Design. I won’t know Web stuff, but I can learn that later with community college classes while I am working in a firm later. This year I am going to focus on improving my GPA and putting together a fantastic résumé. For now, I am going to plan on having a relaxing Sunday before classes begin, and I have to do a ton of stuff to get into them on Monday.

For now, rest comes. I bid you all good evening.

day five

without medication…we’ll see how it goes.

So I’ve been taking this new mood stabilizer for over a month now. It has been absolutely fantastic. My mood has been stable. I’ve been productive. Everything has been going great.

Then last week, I ran low. I went to go order more, but my insurance pooped out on me so I’ve been on the phone almost nonstop trying to get a hold of someone at my insurance. When you have state insurance, you have to jump through a million hoops and call them about 50 times before you actually get to a real person. The real problem is that I don’t have my caseworker’s name or extension. It pretty much fucking sucks ass.

The problem with going this long without meds is that I’m starting to go a little manic. So I’m going to go now and try to rest. I can’t focus worth a damn. We’ll see how it goes…

typeface

I’m a little obsessed…

I am loving graphic design I have been studying it for just over a year and I find that it’s ever more enjoyable than practicing architecture. I love to make things instantly and be able to see the results without having to spend hours after laborious hours making something out of cardboard and wood. No, thanks, not anymore anyway. But one problem I’ve had is my aching back after sitting in front of the computer for hours on end. I think that I need a little timer that goes off every 30 minutes to remind me to get up and go for a short walk. Not only will this keep me awake to work longer, it will also help me to remain focused for extended periods of time without relying on the internet for distractions, which can in the end be more detrimental than harmful. So I can put some water to boil in my new thing—awesome and amazing—and walk about my place a for a few minutes. Awesome…

Anyway, so today wasn’t as productive as I was hoping it would be. But I’d run myself to the end of what I could handle for a few days. I did get everything done on my list that I could get done, except no meds because the pharmacy at Costco is closed Sunday. Argh. Oh well. I got lots of other stuff done today.

It’s entirely too late for me to be up today for as much as I have to do tomorrow. I really need to cool it, but I have so much to do I really can’t at the moment. So much to do to prepare for school prior to going back on the 29th—in seven days! A week! :( It certainly has a way of sneaking up on you, doesn’t it? Must go drink some chamomile tea and sleep. (Yes, sleep.)

PS I tried to put “REALLY LATE!” on the post time but it won't let me, damn Google…or should it be Googol? Sleep comes. Soon I hope.

posing a threat

so no funny business…

I’m up late and bored. Honestly that’s not a problem, but I have to get to sleep because I have yet another fun-filled day tomorrow. But we’ll worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

Today and yesterday, however, were very much fun filled…fun filled indeed. Yesterday, I went downtown to take care of some school issues. I got my financial aid figured out—finally!!—got the hold lifted off my account so I can register for classes. It was a catch-22 I couldn’t register for classes because I don’t have financial aid and my account is negative by 1200 (this doesn’t include the 12 more credits that I will enroll in now). So I needed financial aid, but I can’t get full aid unless I am registered full time, which means 12 or more credits. So I went to business affairs and said, “Bitches, you better let me register for classes!” Well not really, but you get the idea, and basically it was taken care of in the end and, horray! I can register for classes!

I was so excited to register for classes that I went directly to the art department to talk to someone about the classes I am going to take this term—I need permission to take classes which I haven't taken prereqs for…more red tape—only to find out that the art department is closed on Friday for the summer. I was pissed, but I decided to go Monday instead, which is not a big deal. Thus concludes my Friday.

Today, I got up at noon! I haven’t slept that late for quite some time. But I needed the rest. Surprisingly, I got an incredible amount accomplished today, so brace yourself. I dug a hole within thirty minutes of getting up, which for me is quite a feat because I don’t do well with anything within about two hours of waking. But I got out there anyway and got dirty and sweaty! OMG sweaty. I’m pretty sure this moved from the realm of sexy sweaty to the point of being quite disgusting. It was so horrible that it was dripping into my eyes, which, in case you didn’t know, burns quite horribly. I inherited the damned Italian sweat and body heat gene. This is of course dependent on the stereotype, which I am unashamedly promoting and prolonging. Anyway, I was digging this hole to get some electrical conduit for the place my mom and I just happen to be staying for the next few months. We got the septic line set, the water hooked up, and power to both rigs. Exciting, right? Well it is for us because I am happily in my trailer with full power and a working water heater and refrigerator.

We even went to the store to go grocery shopping. I think the most exciting purchases today at the grocery store were this great little electric tea kettle, which doubles as a little soup cooking thing, and this thing called Dry-Z-Air, which will help keep the moistness from creeping in to my house and ruining my clothes and paper. The only disconcerting thing about the liquid it collects is that it’s environmentally hazardous, it corrodes metal and will eat through any organic material. Yikes! I think what I will end up doing is collecting the stuff in a plastic bucket and taking it to the dump for safe processing.

Wow, this post is really long and I have so much more to share too. Later though…

an end to it all

You’d think it’d never end, but it really does. I’m officially moved into my new place…I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s temporary. I am only going to stay here for a short while—a year at most. But for this next chapter in my life, I’m not going to just sit idly by. This is a new year (my years kind of start in September for school reasons), and it will be a good year.

I have to get to bed…more fun filled days to follow. I will fill you in on how it goes tomorrow with my counselor and Wednesday with my psychiatrist.

Palin and the never-ending merry-go-round

Sooooo..... I have decided to diverge from my normal self-indulgent rantings and focus on something a little more…worldly. Governor Palin recently had her first interview on television. and let’s just say she more than disappointed me. I am all for having a woman in office, but I don’t understand what she says most of the time in this interview. She runs Charlie Gibson round in circles. She never gives a direct answer. I want to know what the hell she believes.



For what ABC cut out of the interview click here. Although this site is generated by a proponent of the right, I think it's important to hear—well read—the entire interview after you watch the clip.

Also a note on the subtext on the video. I don’t really care for the notes and you may toggle it off. However, I also don’t care how much executive experience a president has. A fat lot of good it did in the case of George W. Bush.

post title here

It’s another one of those long sleepless nights that no amount of relaxation or reading a book can take care of. So I’m up at three in the morning, typing to an audience that doesn’t exist save a few friends.

Since I’m up though, I’ll give a short update on how things are going in the world of the Amoeba (i.e., Single-Celled Organism). Let’s see. I think a bullet list will suffice here…

• We have successfully packed out of our old place.
  
  It took us a few days to get everything packed out, but in the end we did it. I have more shit that I first thought. Surprisingly though, it is all art and/or architecture related aside from clothing and techno-crap.
  
  
• My mother has more clothes than one person should ever be allowed to have.
  
  I didn’t count, but I think I packed out at least two dozen hangers, not to mention her boxes of clothes and accessories. Seriously…
  
  
• My puppy is decidedly out of control.
  
  He’s going through horrible anxiety about the move. Plus, he’s got the “terrible twos” for puppies. Actually, what is happening is that we aren’t spending enough time with him and training daily as we ought. When a dog is young like this, they tend to require extra attention. One thing I can say though is that he is undoubtedly attached to me—which can be a problem when he hasn’t seen me all day and leaps from one vehicle to chase the one I’m driving. It’s dreadfully full of anxiety when he won’t come when he is called.
  
  
• Tomorrow we are spending much of the day cleaning our old place.
  
  We have moved everything but the stuff we are taking to Goodwill, and now we must clean up to make life easier on the new tenants. I always find it incredibly rude for people moving out not to clean up after themselves. My grandparents used to own some apartments, and people would just up and move without even cleaning up anything. It was quite disgusting considering that the people who stayed there were sub-poverty. When I would help them clean up an old apartment for the next tenant, it would invariably end up with me being sick for a while after. Let’s just say I don’t deal well with other people’s dirt.
  
  
• Tomorrow also is the day I plan on moving my trailer in to where it will reside, and so myself, for the next six months to (hopefully less than) a year.
  
  I have grand plans for my little 24-foot camping trailer. As pictured earlier, it is brown—very brown. I want to paint the walls white. Also, I’m going to look into how much it will cost to buy Roman shades at IKEA versus how much it will cost to make them. I kind of like the idea of making them because I can choose my own fabric and custom fit them to each window.
  

I should be horribly, horribly tired—and I am—but I can’t sleep. I think I get myself so wound up that I can't possible sleep because my mind is rushing though a thousand thoughts at once, so much so that I can hardly think to write this entry. There are so many things I want to say that may or may not have anything to do with my day or days to come. This ended up being substantially longer than I expected, but so much is going on that I can’t truncate this. I’ll do my best to make it readable…

sleep at eleven

wake at seven.

Seems easy enough. Only tricky part is that I need to take medicine to get to sleep this early. Here’s to trazadone and to a good night’s sleep. My dog acts as a sufficient alarm clock because when he hears Mom get up in the morning he’s wanting to go see her. It’s pretty cute. I just have a lot to do tomorrow that I didn’t have a chance to get to today because I friggin’ woke up at 12:30 PM…bleargh! Well here goes nothing, if not for a long night of sleep and dreams :D

‘whoa’

definition::What you say when life throws you a doozy.

Well, last night Mom and I stayed at her folks’ place, whose property we will be staying on for the time being. I went back to our old place to start packing out some more stuff, and I noticed something taped to the door…it was a notice from our landlord stating that we have until Monday to pay our rent in full or we have to move out. Basically, it was an eviction notice that was put nicely.

I have a problem with this issue though. Mom and I had arranged for us to be able to pay the rent on the 25th of this month rather than at the first of the month prior to when it was due. Since we spoke to her in August, we thought everything was fine. Well, then she wanted us to provide something in writing, but you know how it is when you have to pack every day and Mom is working all the time. We just have had no time or energy to divert to such a mundane task. Well it turns out that it was more important to her than we expected. So now she expects a full month’s rent—which isn’t going to happen because we gave our 30 days notice last month on the 21st and we aren't going to pay that either since she’s kicking us out on the 15th—or else for us to move out of her parents’ apartment.

Mom thinks that she freaked out when she came over to our apartment and saw much of it packed and gone. I’m not sure what went down, but I’m kinda glad it did happen because it lit a fire under our asses to get this shit moved fast. I was enjoying taking it slow for a time, but it’s time we kicked it into high gear to move on. I’m SO over Milwaukie, Redneck, Oregon…more than you’ll ever know—seriously.

roller coaster

…don’t stop ’til you get enough.

Well, it finally hit me. Soon after my last post, I had a breakdown. I was digging a hole for my new digs, and I realized that the reality of moving was impending. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I freaked out. Completely. I had a big break down. I had some very violent and scary impulses about hurting others. I’m not sure if it was a psychotic break. I remember everything, but I know that it wasn’t me thinking the thoughts.

I don’t know what was all going through my mind, but I wanted to know what triggered this kind of crazy version of me. As I thought more about it, I realized that the stress of moving was too much for me at that moment. I hadn’t put much thought into it prior to that day, and it washed over me with more power than it might have with someone else. I have moved more in my short 23 years than most people will move in their lifetime. What I can remember is that I moved thirteen times before I reached my eighteenth birthday. A few of those moves were very traumatic and moving once more triggered those latent feelings.

It took me about a week for fully recover from that incident. But I have a handle of my past feelings and will learn to deal with them more fully as time goes on and my counselor and I work together. It looks like it will be a difficult, but fruitful adventure when all is said and done. More to come of my saga for self-improvement later. Cheers for now.

new digs

These images are pretty crappy so bear with me…

What the ungodly outside looks like. Kinda embarrassing, but I’m broke so…

Kitchen…nothing to see, moving right along.

View of “living room” with a very uncomfortable couch. It will house my work desk and Cooper’s bed.

View of my bed ><; I'm trying to imagine a bright wall color (probably white) with Roman shades on all the windows. My goal is to make it more livable and more worth taking camping also…