missed opportunity

Before I get totally drunk, I just have to kick myself for missing out on a really cute guy for NYE. Ugh. I was at Powell's in the gay fiction section, and lo and behold there is this super hot guy there. We both sorta just stood there dumbly, "browsing" the books. I went downstairs to check out, and I decided I'd write down my number to give to him. I took it upstairs with all intent on giving it to him, he even seemed like he was waiting for me...but I chickened out!!!! Sigh. Oh my god, I can't believe I missed out on a fun night and maybe more.

Now to go drink amaretto sours till my head spins. Happy New Year AGAIN!!!!!!!


Cheers

squeeeeEEeeeeze!

I put on a pair of 32-inch waist jeans today--more like squeezed into them--but they actually buttoned and zipped up. Wow. I'm losing inches!! And I've lost about 3 pounds over the past week. 180ish is still a bit to heavy for my frame. Ciao for now...

Happy New Year!!!!

Saturday Madness

So I've decided that my family are all a bunch of wackos. I went to my grandparents'/great-grandfather's/great-aunt's place yesterday to pick up my cousins to take them to OMSI for the day. My grandparents and great-aunt were going to a boys basketball game, and they asked my mom and I to come feed my great-grandfather dinner and check on him when we got back from OMSI. The only problem with that is that we weren't going to get back from the museum until six or seven, and he likes to eat at four or five. Well, my mom went in to talk to my sometimes-crazy great aunt. It so happens that she was in one of her bad moods...she yelled at Mom and said she was staying home to take care of great-grandpa. Seriously, Mom hadn't even said anything but "hi" and "Cybil" snapped at her...anyhoo, that's boring but there's more...

So my grandfather, who is normally very levelheaded, is being a jerk now too. To be fair, I think this all started when I left the coat he gave me (a company coat, bright blue and emblazoned with the company logo) at his house after Christmas, I had every intention of giving it back nicely and saying I wanted to donate it to one of his employees. Instead, I got the call a few days after Christmas, asking why I had left the coat there, and I (nicely) told him the above story. Well he got all mad and got off the phone quickly. So I think I hurt his feelings really badly. But the drama continues: I get a call from him yesterday morning, which I didn't answer--we were going to be there in a couple hours so I didn't feel like talking on the phone. He was calling I was sure about me working at the farm, cleaning up and making it pretty around the redneck trashed place. So basically that's been my job (which I've been looking to replace for some time now). I told him last week that I was done working out there, but I'm not sure he listened. So he's been angry wuith me for not going out there to work. So Saturday when I showed up to pick up the girls, he called me into the barn to talk. He asked where I was and why I wasn't there to work. And I said I was looking for work elsewhere and I reminded him that I was not working for him anymore. But in regular grandpa fashion he got mad and had to lecture me about work ethic and how if I don't have any it makes me less of a man. Yada, yada, yada... I decided I didn't need to be lectured like a 12 year old, I said so, and I left. He was calling me "chicken shit" among other things as I walked out, but I've decided I'm not going to be treated like property anymore. I know he loves me, but he can get super controlling in certain situations (they are many). I can take him in small doses, but his being a workaholic stresses his wife out, and granna likes it sometime I think, but that's a story for another day.

But in good news! I went to OMSI yesterday and I had fun. I'm not sure if the munchkins liked it, I think they had fun some of the time. The mechanics room was fun, and we dissected owl pellets (there was a cute guy there!). It was super fun, but they closed and we had to go home. We went to get pizza for dinner, and we rented Ratatouille, which was super cute. I love Pixar/Disney films, and this one was no disappointment. We got the girls to calm down after a long day, and we got them to go to sleep. It just tells me that I can have kids someday. I had a blast, and I would do it again anytime.

Let's see the weather is nice today and we may go hiking. Have a wonderful Sunday!

Friday night---alone yet again

My mom and I--we seem to be joined at the hip, which my counselor tells me is unhealthy--went to the mall today after I went to my counselor's appointment. We talked about getting out more, which is still being avoided, even after many talks with him. I talk about getting out and about, but I never do it. So next Friday, I'm going out to have coffee at Haven on Division (thanks Lewis!). Also I'm looking for a gay New Years party to hit up, so if you all know any, please tell me or invite me!

We--my mom and I--went shopping today at the mall. I bought a book at Barnes and Noble about being gay on campus. So I hope to be more plugged in on campus next term, that way I can meet people who know what I'm going through and to help me adjust to my new-found self. Also I got this super cute red thermal hoodie pullover that's a bit longer (comes to my upper thigh) for $30. I love it. It's so comfy and I can wear it so many different ways.

After that we went a movie, The Golden Compass with Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig. It was a wonderful movie, which I saw in clear high definition projection. Absolutely gorgeous. Let's hope the movies to follow are as good. (Although I know from a good source that the movie adaptation leaves something to be desired from the books, which is nearly always the case in any cinematic adaption.) The best part of movie aside from the immense CG world, was Nicole Kidman's character's wardrobe--stunning to say the least. In fact the costumer for the entire production was fabulous. I was extremely pleased with the production of the movie. Green screen acting has to be the hardest thing to do, but actors do it so well these days, it's just incredible.

Tonight was my second night of yoga, quite refreshing and relaxing. It doesn't make me tired, but I feel relaxed and centered. I am at peace with my unconscious--something I have not ever felt before. I can sit here and type this entry with a calm mind, not worrying about what happened today or what may or may not come tomorrow. So peacefully I go to bed--although I have many things to talk about--but I have to get up early tomorrow to clean house so my cousins, Kira, 8, and Maddy, 5, can come wreck it again! :D Well good night blogosphere. Thanks to my faithful readership. In peace.

Content

There's a storm happening in Portland. It's cold outside, but I'm safe in my house. My room is a sanctuary and today I made it my own place. It's still a mess, but I have things where I want them for the most part. The next thing I need is either a place to put my TV or to get rid of the big black eye (or eyesore really). Then after that I need a comfy chair where I can sit and read or study. Some thing like a round ottoman with a half-back on it that just lets you sink down deep in the cushions.

For Christmas I got $50 in gift certificates for Fred Meyer, a local grocery store connected to Kroger's. So I got a new computer game (Caesar IV, which is kinda boring but I may get into it in a bit) and new computer speakers. I was going to get jeans, but Fred Meyer jeans are Levis (which are good but I have too many already) and Wrangler and Lee--EWWWWWW!!!! I need me some GAP or Banana Republic Jeans. I'd really like some Diesel jeans, but I'm not about to spend $200 on a couple yards of denim. They should make the jeans cheaper for shorties, but we all know that will never happen; if anything they will make them more expensive because they often must be specially tailored for my super short 28-inseam :O But being 5'6" isn't all that hard. You learn to adapt; my legs are very strong and tippy toes are a very viable option for all situation, as is jumping for things that may be out of reach. HAHAHA. I'm so short. But I'm getting more comfortable with myself.

I am content with me. I was telling my therapist that I feel the most free I have ever felt. I don't have to hide anything from anyone. I just want to get out there and have a fun and interesting life. I am going to try to get to be a more outdoorsy type person. I like to camp, and I think that getting away from my laptop every few weeks to spend some quiet time away will be healthy. Being able to love yourself is key in order for you to be able to love others, and for others to love you. More later, but for now I'm happy with me and what I am becoming as a man.

Have yourself a merry f*&@ing Christmas

So Christmas was intense. I was at family and while family should be fun and relaxing, I couldn't help be feel the need to drink alcohol. But I'm on an antibiotic that will make me have some kind of reaction...I have no idea what will happen, but I decided not to risk it. So I had to suffer through the holiday unaided by alchy, which may be good in the end.

The day started wonderfully, my mother and I got up around nine o'clock and opened gifts, I got some really cute stuff from Banana Republic, and a pea coat that is a bit large for me from Old Navy. So I'm taking the coat back to exchange for a medium which may end up being to big for me by next winter if I'm down to my slim goal of 145 pounds. After our morning fun of dancing around the house on a sugar high from my delicious monkey bread (I'll put the recipe at the end of the post), we headed out to the grandparents' place. We took the turkey to my great-grandfather's/great aunt's house to bake in the double oven, and baked Mom's most delicious turkey yet. And we went to go to my grandparents' place, where the television was about 120 decibels and everyone was yelling to talk over the TV. We had Christmas dinner around five o'clock. And I was proud of myself for just having the seven-layer salad and a dessert jell-o salad for dinner. The thought of the very rare prime rib and the (even good) turkey dinner was too much for my nearly vegetarian stomach to tolerate. After dinner we opened gifts, and then we played Catch Phrase. During the day however, there was a lot of tension in the grandparents' house. I felt like I had to be on guard in case an argument broke out, which thankfully it didn't. Nevertheless, no one should have to feel that way on a holiday around family...sigh....

So I am deciding to divulge my life story over the next few weeks. I want to write an autobiography, mainly because I have been through so much in the past 22 years of my short life. And that stuff may help other teens who may be going through similar times.

Oh here is the monkey bread recipe.

2 cans of Grands biscuits (flaky are the best)
A stick of butter (not margarine)
About a half-cup of brown sugar
About a half-cup of granulated white sugar
Ground cinnamon
Granulated nutmeg
Bundt/angel food cake pan

Preheat oven to 375 deg F

Mix sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg in a small bowl and set aside.

Take biscuits out of the can and cut into quarters. Roll the quarters in the sugar/cinnamon mix.

Spray the Bundt pan with an anti-stick spray, and cut 1-3 teaspoon chunks of butter and put in the Bundt pan with brown sugar.

Layer coated buscuit quarters in the Bundt pan with brown sugar and butter.

Bake at 375 deg F for 30 minutes or until the top of the bread is medium-golden brown. Remove from the oven, and turn over on a plate/platter. Allow to cool for a few minutes uncovered. Slice it up or just enjoy taking pieces of bread from the loaf.

I know this isn't very figure friendly, but it's okay to splurge on Christmas :D

snuggle down for christmas

IT'S SNOWING IN PORTLAND!!!! It's my first white Christmas--EVER! I am happy it snowed because I was pretty not into Christmas this year. It's a great time to have people who love you, which I am very grateful I have.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!! I'll post more pics later as the snow piles up.

I forgot that I have a doctor appointment today!

OMG! I have a doctor appointment with my GI surgeon! Yes I'm only 22 but I have had two major surgeries. So I have to go talk with my doctor about an ongoing infection, which seems to have cleared up! So I may call and say I'm good! No sign of infection, although I would like to ask about having anal sex. Arg. Well I may as well explain my disease/surgeries....

So when I was a senior in high school (2002), I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, a chronic disease that affects the large intestine and may be controlled by certain medications. I was sent to OHSU Doernbecher's Children's Hospital in Portland. People can say what they want about OHSU, but they saved my life. Well I lived with UC for about two years before my doctor said enough. I couldn't get it to go into remission. I was having episodes of uncontrollable bowel movements. I would go to classes during the day and come home at night and go to sleep because it was draining me of all energy. I was having BMs upwards of 20 times a day, and any sleep I did get was interrupted by urgent BMs. The excruciating pain was crippling much of the time; I would often spend hours doubled over in the bathroom, groaning from it. The stress of the disease and school and everything else going on in my life was too much, so I was referred to a surgeon to have my colon removed.

I won't detail the surgery too much, but they made a 10-inch incision in my abdomen and took out five feet of my body that I don't miss. They made a temporary ileostomy, and also a j-pouch. After 3 months I went back for another surgery to reconnect my abdominal opening with my j-pouch (this link will take you to a resource for people with ileo-anal pouches). Now I have bowel movements like any other person except they aren't solid--since that's what the large intestine does, removes water from the poo--and more often than normal, about 4-6 times per day. So my only issue is potassium and sodium levels (both very important in brain and nerve function) in my body and hydration.

Since I have come out of the closet, I have wanted to experiment with anal sex, and I want to ask my doctor about her recommendations. I have a feeling that she will say no way no how, because all the literature I have found says it's not recommended. Apparently the tissue isn't the same as with a normal butt hole. Damn looks like I'm not going to have that option. Eek! I'll just have to do without...which is just fine! Well cheers. Off to have another fun filled day!

Early morning antics

So last night I had a guy friend over. I have a gut feeling that he is gay, but he refuses to come out of the closet. I completely understand where he's coming from. He's Asian and Catholic, so he has a cultural and religious slant against being gay--although he doesn't seem to have a problem with my homosexuality; in fact, he's surprisingly accepting of me, even though he knows I think he's cute. Well, I keep trying to work him out of the closet, but I think just being a friend showing him that you can still be a gay Christian--well a follower of Christ. But even though he's been very unsuccessful with female relationships, he can't come out yet, I must respect that as his very good friend and brother. Let's hope he doesn't marry and have kids, because that can be hurtful in the end for all involved people.

So since that prospect of him being by boyfriend is out the window, I am going to try some social networking here in Portland. I have no clue about the gay scene in Portland, but I'm definitely not into the club scene. No cruising, just friends, and if it develops into more that's great, if not even better. I consider myself to be fairly intelligent and like to be challenged to learn more about the world around me. For me a friendship should be about exchanging ideas and informing each other about different world views previously unknown. So if I get bored in a friendship, it's not because I don't like you, I just may not feel like I can have a sophisticated conversation about whatever. My options for conversation are very open, current events and politics, LGBT issues, science, music, gaming, movies, reading, plays/musicals, and even sports. I like all sorts of things, so I like a conversation that transforms over time, moving from one topic to another, arguing and debating issues in today's society. I love a good debate, even if I don't win it. I especially love a good debate if you can convince me that my stance is wrong or vice versa.

I say all this to say that I'm going out this Friday night to find my niche in the Portland gay scene. It's not about sex; I can watch porn for that. I want some friends, being cooped up for the past six months has given me unfathomable energy! And maybe I'll bring along my aforementioned friend, and we can talk about him later ;)

So today I am going to be searching for clip art (ew!) and pictures for the family calendar. Mom started making a family calendar about seven years ago and it stuck. We have pictures of family and all the family birthdays, anniversaries, etc. in there. I always get stuck with finding funny little clip art to illustrate each family member. If I had started earlier I may have made up little avatars in Adobe Illustrator for each family member, but since there are only six days until Christmas it's crunch time. I might turn on the news today while I do it or ESPN or Logo or watch reruns of Project Runway while I search for pictures. And since I'm going to be totally bored today, I'll probably post again today if time permits. I'm going to have to go pick my grandma up at the train station today...and turn in some forms for the state. So I'll have some stuff to do, but I should have some amount of free time because I'm just ADD like that.

Losing Weight...

I know I'm most likely not being particularly healthy but over the past week I've lost about 5 pounds, which is great, but the week before I lost 10 pounds. So while I'm getting to a healthier weight, I'm not sure I'm doing it healthily...arg. Why does life have to be so complicated?!?! And why do gays have to be so obsessed about their weight? I'm telling myself that I'm doing this to get healthy, which is true, but I'm afraid my motives are slightly biased to finding a boyfriend. My life is so simple right now. I should just enjoy it while I can. Well I have to go out to the real world today to look for a job and do some other errands that I can't put off anymore, including paying some much needed billz.

This love is genuine!

tell me that men don't love each other! this is such a nice short documentary on a gay couple, trent and greg, who would like to get married. why can't america catch up to the u.k. and canada in this issue? i'm going to have to move there just to live....or somewhere in europe.

Mozilla Firefox vs. Apple Safari

Yes. I am an Apple fan, and while I own a (very nice) Dell laptop, I can't help but have some envy for the Mac users out there. I love my iPod and everything about it. My next computer purchase will definitely be of the MacBook Pro/iMac variety. There's nothing sexier than the aluminum case of the computer sitting on your lap (and burning your legs at the same time).

Now for the Firefox-Safari battle. I love Apple, yes, but I love Firefox even more. The image on the left is a comparison of the text-rendering capabilities of both browsers. (You'll need to click it to enjoy the full resolution version.) At first glance, the one on the right is better at text rendering. And well obviously that is Safari. Steve Jobs has been all about the text thing and invented the former font standard of TrueType (OpenType is the current standard). Better on-screen font rendering means better readability, especially on LCD monitors where jaggies from aliased text is hard to read. Well enough of that little history of screen-fonts.

The real reason for this post is to say that Firefox is better than Safari simply for its addon modifications out there. In fact, Mozilla actively promote this addon craze on their website. Examples of addons I can't live without are AdBlock Plus, Download StatusBar, Firefox Showcase, Forecastfox, and Foxmarks Bookmark Synchronizer. My favorites are AdBlock and Download Statusbar. Simply fabulous. Have fun seraching for more addons that you can't live without once you get them.

Gay rights in the upcoming election

I know that the presidential election is 11 months off, but please bear with me. Any time gay issues are brought up, the candidates seem to skirt the issue. It's all about civil unions and non marriage. "America's not ready for gay marriage!" "Separate but equal" (WTF really? Yes, Obama is a separatist....). But in all, I think that the candidates being accused of pandering is a bit ridiculous. I mean really, they have to appeal to the majority of the people, and since some 78% of the general population do not support gay marriage, it seems kind of silly to be catering to the 22% of gay-supporting population. But I think in generations to come--the age bracket of 18-22 currently have a 44% support of gay marriage--gay rights will be more and more acceptable. Let's hope it's not sooner than later.

I tried to find a good video on this subject specifically for the democratic candidates, but found none. I'm sure we'll be seeing more and more as Hillary is way ahead in the polls (ew!). Of course all the republican candidates are anti-gay marriage and some like Romney are against even civil unions...we'll have to work on all those closet cases, but that's another story...

I need a new therapist...

So about a year ago I has having some psychotic issues. I had some hallucinations of people calling my name and seeing some flashes of people in the corner of my eye. Well that freaked out my doctor, especially since I have a biological disposition to schizophrenia because my birth mother has it. So he put me on a mood stabilizer, but I gained about 25 pounds in just a few weeks. So rather than mess with my physical health, I went to see a psychiatrist (whom I loathed) who prescribed two mood stabilizers, but they made me super tired all the time. At the same time, I started going to see a therapist, who shall remain nameless, who was great. He convinced me of my gayness--YAY!-- and I worked out some of my issues. But as soon as I figured out I was gay I felt like I was done with therapy. That was in May 2007.

Fast forward to September: I had been playing World of Warcraft for four solid months, and in September I hit rock bottom. I had lost all interest in life, and I was obsessed with WoW. Like seriously obsessed. It wasn't even enjoyable anymore, but I was simply playing to pass the time. So I decided to help myself and go back to therapy. Well the first stop was going to my doctor, which had changed since the last time because my clinic seems to have revolving doctors. But this time I got a great doctor, who prescribed a good medication for me. It seemed to perk me up a bit. Gah I know this is super private but it's needed for you to understand the rest of the story..

Well I'm in the same place as before. I don't want to go back to him...I think I've reached the end of what he can provide for me in a counselor. But we'll see. I need to find a gay male counselor or a female who knows her shit. I'm tired of going week after week, and not progressing. He's a cool guy and I like to talk with him, but having a conversation is not the same as getting some counseling shit done...oh well.

More to come on all types of news. My life seems to have begun again. I'm out to search for a job here soon.

Blogging Nightmare!!!!!

when blogging attacks!!!

Well I seem to be a lil addicted to blogging. It's no use though because no one reads my shit. I like the anonymity, because no one knows who Nathan Garvison is. But if you Google me, I'm the only one out there. :) So here it is...I'm so happy right now about some things in my life, but other parts of my life are a bit overwhelming and I've tried a few blogs before and my myspace.com blog is somewhat successful, but I don't write there often enough. I think I may start posting my blogs in both places, so that both my friends and random strangers can view and comment on my thoughts.

So my mom, whom I love and adore with all my heart, who will also not be reading this blog, does this thing in her classes (she is a high school English teacher) she calls a "wellness circle." What she has her students do it sit in a circle in the classroom, and each student says on thing in his/her life that is going well and one that is not going so well--hence wellness circle. Well as it were I am going to do that in this entry. So something going well in my life is my confidence in my sexuality. Yes I'm trying my damnedest to justify it in this blog but no more! I am looking to find a boy friend, I'm going to go out this weekend and find a place in Portland where it's not just about drag and the über party scene. I want the gay intellectual scene, the sometimes quiet but fun smart people who talk about current events and happenings in the world. Someone who can understand what I'm talking about. But beyond that, I'm feeling more confident in my sexuality.

Well now for something that's going poorly...well I can't seem to get a hold of anything else in my life. I want to get a job, but I get thwarted. I suppose going and dropping off a résumé isn't quite enough. ;) So today if I have time I am going to go downtown to drop off my résumé and actually do follow up calls...sigh. Well here goes...

I need to put myself out there. Becoming independent is one of the most important things I want to do and getting off my ass and getting out there is so vital to achieve this very real goal I have. Grrrrrrr!!! I feel kinda sexy right now. I'm so fat (about 40 pounds overweight) right now though. I went to the doctor yesterday to check to see if my new medication regimen is working...well it's better than last week, but things aren't much better. I'm working on it, but it is hard to get motivated. Ugh. Life is a bitch, but I've got to get out there! I'm working on my weight issues too. I've lost 5 pounds in a week, now I know that's unhealthy, but I figure 2-3 pounds a week and I'll be down to a healthy weight in just a few months. So you figure I'm at 188 now to be about 140-5 by March, I'll be pretty good. So I'm looking to be super healthy in my eating and lifestyle. I think next term I'm going to take a yoga class. So I think I'll be the healthiest in my life by the time I go to Eugene to go to school.

It's taken me two days to complete this blog entry...and I have more to bitch about. Arg.

Follow up: 20/20 report on Westboro Babtist Church

I know this is old news and I think I'm being a bit obsessed about it. But I just can't get over how funny these people are. The only part that truly upsets me is that the children are spouting hate and they don't even know what a "fag" is! As a gay Christian, I will try my hardest to convince the Christians around me that I'm not going to hell and that I don't necessarily believe everything the Bible says about homosexuality as other Christians. First is the often used Leviticus passage: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." (18:22). Since everyone says the King James version is the best translation, I've used that version. It's a word for word translation but as we know direct translation makes something lost in the transfer. A better translation might be, "Don't have sex with a man as you would with a woman..." But since I couldn't have sex with a woman, I am not sure this would apply to me. Also I think some of the meaning behind this passage (which pointedly the bible does not ever mention female homosexuality save for the passage below), has something to do with male prostitutes. I don't know if this is true, but just as there were female harems there may have been male harems where men would go to have sex with men to appease the gods. Again that's totally unfounded, but it sound good, right?

The other passage is in Romans in chapter one: " 24 So God abandoned them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things with each other’s bodies. 25 They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen. 26 That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. 27 And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved." I wanted to use the KJV of this passage but it didn't make any sense to me...which is why think there's a lot to be taken and left in this translation, which makes it incredibly clear that Paul believed homosexual acts to be a sin. I used to believe this exact translation, but looking back at it again I see one thing that I don't believe. The word used is "lust" but there is something different about modern homosexuality: it's based on attraction, yes, but I don't think I could ever love a woman as I could love a man. So for me, it's not just because women don't even give me a semi--as it were--it's because I know I could never feel for a woman the way I could feel for a man.

It's not that I don't like women. I do indeed love them, some of the best people in my life have been women, but I've never "crushed" a girl like I have men. I have never felt the tingly feeling many men describe when they were boys...only recently have a even felt that--and it was from hugging a man who I like very much (though he's a closeted case for now). The emotional and physical intimacy I can experience with a man is unparalleled by any other force.

a sad outlook for our conservative friends

Quote (Zabriskeeee) From YouTube: 'Christianity has NEVER been about love, it's always been about control through fear. "Do what we say and give us your money or you're going to Hell." '

Well that's what Christianity has become...If you read the New Testament, Jesus actually said the two greatest commands are "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength," and "Love your neighbor [i.e., everyone around you] as you love yourself." So while some verses condemn homosexuality--which I don't agree with personally--the original "teachings" of Jesus, whether you believe he was just a man or actually God incarnate, were filled with acceptance and love. Hell he ate and drank with the "garbage" of his day: tax collectors etc.

So whether or not you agree with the beliefs of certain radical groups, you have to look at the facts of the tome (the scriptures) of the basis of the religion. Hell, there's even a whole chapter (ch. 13) of 1 Corinthians dedicated to explain what "love" is and how it should be expressed...and as a gay Christian, I am ashamed to call myself a "Christian" because of people like this. It makes me very sad: I have to hold back the tears while watching this video. I would really like to watch the whole documentary, however, to learn more about what these far, far rightists believe about gays.

That's so JoJo

So I enjoy gays. I'm definitely butch as they get, and I don't always understand super fem guys. I was eating at Chipotle downtown on the PSU campus, and this super fake guy was there. I'm not sure if we was trying to be uber gay, but he was. My mom and I got a good laugh out of it. Here's to fem guys... "That's so JoJo!"

Test Post from Flickr

So this is test to blog about photos from my Flickr page. But I'm not sure I'll use this. I'll just add the photo with HTML most likely...

Yet another week...

and it's only just beginning all over again.

So another week has passed, and yet another one begins. I am going to try to go out each day this week to work, even though it may be difficult. Living with depression for the past year or so has been rough, but getting out and about seems to help. I have been super dependent on my mom for everything in the past months, but I need to become my own person--as the American way--independent. I may have said that already, but it needs to be reinforced yet again.

Tonight, I watched the first of 3 installments of Tin Man a "re-imagination" of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, by L. Frank Baum. It's on the SciFi channel, if that doesn't mean anything to anyone, and it's a bit on the odd side. The modern science fiction angle of the fantasy story is fun and playful. It lacks the luster of the original movie, but it takes a new perspective on the original story, where the protagonist, aptly named D.G., goes on an epic journey to find her parents. While doing so she discovers she is a daughter of the queen of the Outer Zone, the O.Z. for short. These little throw backs to the original tale are fun to discover and often cleverly mixed in to the new story. Even the actors for the scarecrow, tin man, cowardly lion characters look much like the original movie actors. This is a fun new twist on the original tale, but hey I'm just another gay nerd, who happens to love the original Wizard of Oz. This "re-imagination" may just have a place in my collection in the future. Let's hope that the SciFi channel website will have it on sale here soon.

Here's to another week of enjoyable Oregon rain. Ciao bello!