roller coaster

…don’t stop ’til you get enough.

Well, it finally hit me. Soon after my last post, I had a breakdown. I was digging a hole for my new digs, and I realized that the reality of moving was impending. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I freaked out. Completely. I had a big break down. I had some very violent and scary impulses about hurting others. I’m not sure if it was a psychotic break. I remember everything, but I know that it wasn’t me thinking the thoughts.

I don’t know what was all going through my mind, but I wanted to know what triggered this kind of crazy version of me. As I thought more about it, I realized that the stress of moving was too much for me at that moment. I hadn’t put much thought into it prior to that day, and it washed over me with more power than it might have with someone else. I have moved more in my short 23 years than most people will move in their lifetime. What I can remember is that I moved thirteen times before I reached my eighteenth birthday. A few of those moves were very traumatic and moving once more triggered those latent feelings.

It took me about a week for fully recover from that incident. But I have a handle of my past feelings and will learn to deal with them more fully as time goes on and my counselor and I work together. It looks like it will be a difficult, but fruitful adventure when all is said and done. More to come of my saga for self-improvement later. Cheers for now.