A steady weekend for a very unsteady week to come

The weekend was somewhat restful. I got some rest in, some homework done, and some time with Josh. The weekend was rather restful, but the coming week is going to be hell. So tomorrow, I have to get ready for court. I am supposed to go before the judge at 1:00 pm in Aberdeen, Washington. If you pray please do so at that time PST. I don't know what to expect except what I have seen on Law and Order, but then that's a bit of a false pretense. I know that it won't be so difficult, and I'm hoping that the cop who wrote my ticket isn't there, because if that's the case they will throw out my case (and I'll be forever grateful).

Also this week my mom is going in for surgery to have a (we hope) benign tumor removed from her neck. She has had a hell of a time with this thing and we both will be extremely happy that it will be gone. One very possible risk is vocal cord damage. Since she's a singer, that can pose a serious problem to her creative outlet. So Wednesday morning at 8:00 am please keep her in her thoughts and prayers.

On top of all this I still must attend classes and do my homework, which wouldn't be a problem except that Cooper is driving me insane. I absolutely adore him, but he is just too much a commitment for me at the moment. He's adorable and very lovable, but he can be quite annoying since he doesn't sleep though the night yet and he has to be taken out about once every 30 minutes or else he pisses on the floor. I know as he grows he'll get better (he's only 11 weeks as of today), but the process of him growing larger and more adultlike is almost too much for me to handle right now. It's not fair for him for me to not be able to give him my full attention like he needs. He's almost kennel trained, and nearly housebroken (except that I must watch him all the time because he won't always tell me he needs to go out). He can be most annoying at night because he doesn't sleep though the night yet. It makes my sleep patterns a bit erratic, which my doctor tells me is bad for my mental state (and I agree). It's almost like taking care of a child, except the dog will always be reliant on me for everything. Ugh...

Also, I've decided to take a different turn with Josh. More to come on that, but not until I have discussed it with him. Out of respect for his privacy, I won't share more here without his permission, but let's just say it's not what either of us was expecting.

All right it's extremely late, and I have to be up in less than four hours. What a way to go in to my court session....sigh...

Thursday comes...and goes, as well

Well another Thursday has come and gone, and that means that my week of classes is done. I am happy that it's over for now. I have much homework to do this weekend. I did yoga last night before I went to bed. It's been a while since I've done yoga, and I was extremely tense. I carry most of my tension and stress in my lower back I've discovered, so I spend much of my time relaxing a stretching those muscles. My hamstrings are also very tense, so I'm working on getting those less tense as well. I find that each day as I let go more and more, my body becomes more flexible and it becomes easier to find my center and drop all of my tension out of my body and into the floor. Deep, easy breathing is the key; knowing your body and how to relax is very important.

I have also been a bad boy. I have forgotten to take my meds for the past two days. (I took it tonight, thank god.) My mood has been fairly steadily decreasing. I haven't been taking it regularly for the past week. And as you may know, these kinds of medications need to be taken at the same time each day in order to work properly. So my mood has suffered because of my neglect. So this weekend I plan on taking it each morning at a regular time. I am going to take some much needed away time this weekend. If only I had a tent. I would go to a campground (yes even in these subfreezing temperatures) and have myself a quiet weekend away from it all. But I can't do that. I do however need a night off from my dog. Josh and I decided that we're going to take it easy this weekend. We don't need a break per se, but I need time away from everything. He says no contact until Monday morning, but I don't thing either of us can hold out that long. I may end up playing World of Warcraft with him on Sunday with his fag hag Liz (or as he calls her, Bingy). But absence makes the heart grow fonder as that damn cliché goes. Even though clichés are overused, the meaning behind them is often truer than we often give credit.

So for this weekend: I won't be blogging, I am not talking to Josh after 4:00 pm Friday, I am going to escape from Cooper for a few hours to get some "me" time, and I'm going to work on some homework. Also on Saturday I have a meeting for my Sexual Minorities Youth class at SMYRC, which is a phenomenal organization targeting sexual minority youth. It's a safe house for LGBT youth in Portland. They even have a prom each year for these exceptional young people who are brave enough to come out. It's awesome that there are places like this. If I had know of this place as a teenager I would have grown into my own sexually perhaps a bit faster, but then I wouldn't have the experiences that I have now. So for a "relaxing" weekend, it's going to be pretty busy. Such is life, but I can't sweat the small stuff. Here's to a wonderful, relaxing weekend.

gay skate--among other things

Monday night was awesome. Josh came over for dinner, and I made chicken fajitas. We went to Oaks Park for Gay Skate. It was fabulous because we could be affectionate in a public place and it was acceptable...not that that's stopped us before. It's not like we maul each other in public, but (straight) people generally don't like to see gay PDA. It was a blast. I can't skate to save my life, but Josh was there to help out. I ended up falling only twice, and of course Josh was there to help me get up both times. After our evening skating, he took me home and we went for a walk in sub-freezing temperatures. I had to take Cooper out for a nice long evening walk to tucker him out, and Josh in his wonderfulness came with me. I let him wear my Dockers tuque, which he still has and says it smells like me. I may not be getting it back for quite some time....hehe.

Tuesday evening, I went to my first class and then skipped my art history class to go to a screening of Ballot Measure 9 at the Q Center, which was an encore showing of it from about two weeks ago because it was too full. I would like to go see the next one, but it is on a Thursday night and I can't skip anymore classes! I thoroughly enjoyed the film. It showed some very antigay opinions that I'm sure still exist today in Oregon and even around Portland. It's very scary that even a fairly liberal state has so many people opposed to gay rights. The OCA's claim was that gays were slated to get "special right" as opposed to equal rights. The truly scary part about the wording of the measure was that it exactly reflected what anti-black laws said not 50 years before. Thankfully, the measure did not pass, but a very similar one in Colorado did, which prompted a shocking 500% increase in gay hate crimes within a few months of it's ratification. Amazing and disgusting. It is really quite sad that there are people in this world who hate their fellow humans so deeply--and sickening. God help us all as people are getting more aggressive about acquiring equal rights.

I met Josh again tonight, we had dinner together at Quiznos Sub, and had a little fun in his car. That man can kiss. Amazing. It's always a pleasure to be with him. Then we had to part because I had to get to class, and we chatted online for a while. He decided he would renew my World of Warcraft account. I told him not to pay for it so he didn't. Apparently he had a WoW gift card and used that, which i don't like, but he was sweet and wanted to play with me. It was really nice to play with him on my account and not Mom's. That way she can play with us also. She wants to get to know him, and this is a good way to do that.

Well, I'm off to do some much needed yoga. I haven't practiced for quite a while and I need to release my tension in my lower back. Stretch and release tension and pressure. Staff pose and child pose are the best. But the most effective pose for me is extended staff pose (legs out) while turning to the side with my torso. I place my hand behind me and put the other hand on my thigh and twist, with each exhalation extending further. It pulls all the muscles into alignment and relaxes them

Another day, another day...

Now I am actually in a good mood, even though my title seems a little down. I have a LOT going on right now, so I'm really overwhelmed. Two weeks ago, winter term at Portland State began. Also that week I got a new puppy. I was dealing with my newly acquired tickets from Aberdeen, and mentally preparing for my Monday court date. In addition, my mom's health is getting worse, and she is becoming increasingly worried as her surgery next Wednesday approaches (though I can't say I'm not worried, I tend to internalize it while she vocalizes which makes me think about it more often).

More pointedly, I recently acquired a new man. He is amazing, even though he doesn't see it. I am exploring myself in new ways that I've never felt. I like it, but there are parts that confuse me. I am going to talk to him more about some key issues. I think we need to talk about some issues before we both become too attached--and we're both very attached as it is.

So there is a lot of stress when there shouldn't be. Well, it's well past midnight and I may just sleep on the couch because I'm trying to kennel train Cooper, and I may not hear him cry out if he needs to go out tonight. Who knew puppies were so demanding and stressful....and expensive, but that's another story for another day. Another day...

Blogging...and not so much

So I had a decent weekend. It was bittersweet, simply because I really enjoyed spending time with Josh, but that time was spoiled by bad news about my mom's health.

If I didn't say already, Josh asked me to be his boyfriend officially. I am looking forward to getting to know Josh more. I think we have very different ideas about a lot of things, so it could be a challenge. But what is the fun of anything without a challenge, right? We click physically, but that's not the only part of a relationship. Since this is my first serious boyfriend, this should be a very interesting new part of my life. I think the most important part of being with someone is expanding both of each other's experiences.

So for now I want to get to know Josh, and be his good friend. I want to find out everything I can about him. I want to explore him not just physically, but mentally and philosophically also. And if this ever ends I don't want us to leave the same. I hope to leave with both of us better people. I hope this works out though, because I really like him now. I just hope that it can stay alive as time goes on. And it should if we both groove on each other's differences. One such difference is that he is a homebody (and yes I am too) but I want to live around the world. Not just travel, but live and immerse myself in other cultures completely. He says he likes it in the Pacific Northwest, although we both share the same dislike for the Portland Metro area. So we'll see how it plays out. It should be fine, because in every relationship there is always compromise. And I may feel different once I move out of Portland. I do like Seattle quite a bit.

It all happens at once, doesn't it?

When the shit hits the fan, it makes one big shitty mess. No joke.

The weekend started wonderfully. I spent the evening with Josh, and he met my mother briefly. We went to see Cloverfield, which neither of us liked the ending of because the story never finished. We went back to Josh's place for the night and I got to sleep (yes, we actually slept) with him in his bed. It was a first for both of us really. It was weird sleeping with a bed hog, and he is one--I even had to tell him to move his ass over once in the night. The hard part about the night was sleep. I don't want to waste any time I have with him. Nothing sexual happened, it was just hard to keep from touching him all night, which kept us both up for a while. We got up and had a lazy day together, watching DVDs and fooling around a little here and there. We ended up taking a nap together around 2:30 or so and slept for a few hours. He's not out to his dad yet, whom he lives with, and there was a risk for him coming home with us being together, so we had to pack it up and get back to my place.

Around 5:30, I decided to check my phone to see if anyone had called me. It turns out my family was trying to contact me all afternoon. And they we worried. That's a gross understatement, but it turns out my mom, who has been having health issues, went to the hospital because she was having trouble breathing. She had gotten a call from her doctor Friday night before we went to the movie, saying that her condition is worsening faster than it should be. She has a tumor on her right thyroid lobe, it has started to grow aggressively in the past month or so. She had a biopsy done on it in December, but it was inconclusive as to whether it was cancerous or not. So we're obviously concerned about her, but she thinks that my infatuation with Josh is making me care less about her health. I agree that I'm not paying as much attention to her as usual, but she is not the only one on my life now. I have her, the puppy, Josh, and school and starting next week even more actively seeking work.

The part that really overwhelmed me was when Mom started to go through her list of things that she wanted my cousins to have if she died. She's not even 40 yet and she's talking about her death like it's going to happen. Needless to say, I bawled like a baby for about an hour or so. I was so wrought with grief in knowing that she may die. But I refuse to believe she has cancer. I refuse to give up hope.

In the end, a bunch of feelings were hurt, but Josh (who officially became my boyfriend this weekend), was wonderful through it all, supporting me with everything. I just want to snuggle up next to him and fall asleep to the sound of his breath and his heart beating softly in his chest. How wonderful that I found someone so awesome! He's not perfect by any means (and neither am I) but he's good for me. And for now that's all that matters.

Awesome awesomeness

I have only known Josh for a week, but already he is wonderful. We really like each other. I mean really like each other. While I am new to this, it's so natural. When I went out with girls, it was so awkward. I didn't know what to do or how, but with Josh it's all natural. It just flows. There are awkward moments, of course, but it's all good. He is just awesome. I know I'm being silly, but I am in serious like with him. I plan to stay at his house tonight; while I don't think anything will happen, I think that spending the night with someone is very intimate. We'll see what happens though... hehe.

We are going to see Cloverfield tonight. I'll tell you....later....how it is--if I'm not completely distracted! LOL. Here's to a wonderful night.