the drama that is my life :P

Even though my life is probably not all that interesting, it's very dramatic at times. So yesterday morning I took Cooper outside without a leash on. Now, he's normally fine when it comes to going out in the morning just to pee and then coming back in, but so often he gets antsy and decides to run around....and usually that's fine because I just leave him outside with the door open and he'll run back in when he realizes that I'm not playing with him at that moment.

But I waited for a while, and he didn't come back. So I walked around for about an hour and a half looking for him, thinking I heard him barking around the neighborhood. Well after exhausting myself with worry I went home crying with a headache. I tried working on my term paper, but to no avail. I was so sick with worry, all I could do was sit outside and wait for the pup to show up...but then Mom called. She said that we needed to go to the pound to see if we could find him there. She said to look up the number online, but when I got to the website, they had a posting system where people could post dogs they had found--not cats obviously because cats do not get lost...unless you're our cat, who freaks out if he (accidentally) goes out hehe. Well it turns out that he had followed a kid to school, and one of the teachers got him and put him in her car. Well, I was going crazy for nothing. He was safe; and he won't be disappearing again anytime soon. Little bugger. :D

A week in the life....

So last week, my grandparents went out of town. Well they have a pregnant horse that needs to be fed very regularly and I started off last week without a car so I had to ride my bike about 3 miles roundtrip to get there from the bus. That wouldn't have been a problem except that I haven't ridden my bicycle seriously for about three years. Needless to say, I'm very out of shape...VERY. Haha...I seriously think I couldn't breathe for about thirty minutes after I got there. But I fed the horses, and went up to tend to my grandparent's new kitten, Shorty, who curled up on my lap while we both slept for quite some time. Well, then I went back over to feed and trekked off the school (after taking a shower of course). That was a fun adventure that I had to repeat the following day until Friday, when I discovered that my license had not been suspended, but that it will be if I don't pay my ticket soon. Arg. So this week I get to drive out there which is certainly more accessible by motor vehicle than by cycling—although it would be healthy for this fat ass to be shocked into getting back into shape....which has been fairly neglected for the past month or so.

Which leads me to my next topic of transgression. I have been feeling so ugly for the past week or so. It usually happens when I hit a low from depression. I feel fat and sluggish. I'm not eating healthily at all, and I haven't done yoga for quite some time. I went to a gay bar a couple Wednesdays ago and I got no love—except by a guy who was hugging everyone. So, here I am, my stout, stocky 180 pounds of me, surrounded by (some healthy some not) thinner men who look fantastic. I show up to the bar with a dyke friend of mine, just because we wanted to hang out and sell raffle tickets for SMYRC. I am not looking hot. Here's my look from head to toe: I had on my off-white Old Navy baseball cap, which I have gracelessly distressed; an ill-fitting bright blue sweater that is a really good color, but it's made from really cheap cotton and stretches out awkwardly by the end of the day; I have on my lazy, I'm-feeling-fat jeans that actually make my butt look decent; and my shoes are my two-year-old Nikes that are a little too loved. And the best part is that I didn't shower that day. Well I had a couple guys flirt with me before the drag show started and all the hot guys showed up. (BTW I can't stand drag; it's just not my thing.) So yeah, that little story put a big damper on my second gay bar experience, proving yet again that I just don't fit in with the "scene" in Portland, which is my main reason for disliking P-town to begin with. It's almost as if I need to find a man and then move back here, but what would the point of the be? I know living in places like Seattle and New York are more expensive, but for me it's worth it if I know I can find something do to at any time, day or night.

All right enough mulling, I have to get to class and then later tonight I have to pound out at least two pages for my term paper in art history—which is due Thursday. I have a stack of books about ten inches high at home with research for the Duomo of Florence Cathedral by Fillipo Brunelleschi. It is said to mark the beginning of the Renaissance; it was a controversial design that ultimately ended up changing the face of art and architecture forever. We still define many of our designs today with Renaissance art and architecture. Now to put that in a paper....wish me luck!

well i've done it...

I broke my computer. Not on purpose of course, but I dropped my laptop, which I carry with me everywhere. Normally it's not a problem, except that I sometimes can be careless with it. I set it down a bit too hard once this weekend and thus cracked my monitor. So the whole bottom third of the screen is permanently white and some "dead" pixel spots (black or permanently RGB) keep developing on the top two thirds of the monitor. I am devastated. I use my computer all the time for everything. It's basically my life. So maybe this is good and it will help break me from the unhealthy bond with a machine....haha.

Well I thought that this would be a good opportunity to get a new MacBook Pro, but that hunk of aluminum costs over three thousand bucks. I can get a new screen for my laptop for under two fifty on eBay. Weighing the costs, I think that getting a new screen for my laptop (and finding somewhere to recycle my current monitor which contains mercury and arsenic, as all LCDs with fluorescent backlights have in them). So with that in mind, I go into the next month mindful of the fact that I must come up with money for bills and money for a new computer screen. Things just don't seem to go well for me. I don't know where I picked up this bad karma. Oh well, let's hope I can set it right here soon.

and another week!

Well, I made it through week seven out of ten! So there are just three more weeks until finals week and then spring break. I will have an online final for art history and a final for linguistics. We will be done in my sexual minorities youth during week ten, so that'll be done before then. Whew!

Well my week went by pretty blah. I went to all my classes that I wanted to. I didn't go on Thursday because I had the worst allergies. I had horrible allergies today also. I have been sleeping for ten or more hours a night....er day...I'd wake up early to take the dog out, put him in his kennel. Then, I would fall asleep for another few hours and wake up with a raging headache. Decidedly the past two days haven't been pleasant, but it could have been worse.

In some good news, I got a "D" on my art history exam because I ran out of time to complete it. Well I emailed my professor before she graded the exams explaining that I have ADD pretty bad and that it affects how I take exams (especially timed ones), and she finally got back to me after the exams were graded. I was kinda depressed after I got the grade on Tuesday night, but come Thursday she emailed me and said it was reset for Saturday all day (for 90 minutes again). But it gets even better. She said that if I didn't have enough time to finish the comparative essays online that I could bring her a paper copy to class on Tuesday. Wow, if you ask for a little bit, it seems that it works out in the long run. ADD really is detrimental to my grades (and my SAT scores), but because it is not medically diagnosed, I can't go through the Disability Resource Center on campus. But professors are generally more than accommodating when it comes to such matters, so it's just a matter of asking.

feeling off and I can't figure out why

You know how you just have off days? Well, today is one of those days for me. It could be because it's hump day...gotta love the humps... :D

On a positive note, I spied a super hot guy on my way to the library today. Too bad I think he was straight. :-\

I can't decide...

I really enjoy having Cooper...sometimes. And at other times he's more trouble than the pleasure he gives. I like taking him for walks, but it seems that no matter how long I take him out, he always has to go out every fifteen minutes or so. I usually end up putting him in his kennel or else I get annoyed with him because I can't get anything done. I end up taking all my time just to focus on the mangy mutt that won't hold still but for a few seconds at a time. I take him out running, and he just won't hold still--even though he's extremely exhausted. I don't know what to do. Should I keep him? Or should I send him elsewhere where it might be better for him to get out of the puppy stage (labs tend to have a two-year puppy stage)? I'm still torn on what to do. It just seems like no matter what I do to try to like this poor guy, he just can't live up to my expectations or something....maybe I'm not a dog person after all...

After-breakup blues

No one warned me that even after you willingly end something with someone that you will miss that person, even if you don't necessarily want to be with him. So for those of you breaking up for the first time (and I seem to be a late bloomer...), it's not easy for either of you. I miss talking to someone everyday. I know we were way too clingy way too fast--part of that my fault because I don't quite know what to do with him. When do I chat? Leave him alone? Talk on the phone? Chat online? How often? All these kinds of questions that straight people figure out in middle school and high school.

The whole world of gay dating is so fucked up because we have people who don't know how to date because we don't have any good media examples of it. And growing up we can't look to our peers for help in how to interact romantically. Another part of the problem is that men are pigs (gay or straight), and any opportunity we can have our dicks stimulated we seem to jump at it. Straight guys tend to have it easier because women seem to have more restraint, though definitely not all of them. So I'm new to the gay dating world, where it's not just getting a piece of ass. And my first experience was a little bit rocky. But that's okay because I have to first-gay-date jitters out of the way. People tend to be freaked out if you haven't had any boyfriends in the past. So if you're comfortable with being my second BF please let me know! (LOL just kidding...)

So if anyone knows where to find gays in Portland without having to go to clubs, please let me know. I want some fun and friendship. I want to know someone before I commit to anything. I learned my lesson the hard way last time...

Auf Wiedersehen, bitches.