insomniacs anonymous

I am in a weird place right now. I really enjoy my life...mostly. It's just really frustrating when you get stuck somewhere. I have been stuck in a place for a long time. It hasn't been a good place. But I'm on the up. Like my last entry a while back, I felt like a fire burned within me, trying to get out. It consumed everything around me, but never me. The ironic part about the fire was that the passion with the fire was still trapped in me. I recently got it out. It's not as rapturous as the 'phoenix' story; it's more of a process than a quick change.

The process drags on, but little steps are better than stagnancy. I changed my major officially to graphic design. I finally got into all my classes last week (that's week three if you didn't know), so not only do i have to prove that I want to be in these classes, I must catch up on all back work. The worst class is going to have to be basic design, which I already took at University of Oregon, but the term that I took it it was only offered in a Pass/No Pass option, but for my major I must take it for a grade. So here we go again. Haha. I think I will enjoy it as much this time as I did the first time around. Basic design is just that, basic, but it's invigorating to be able to design something so basic. Simplicity is my best design type. Simple does not mean easy by any means; in fact, it's quite difficult to keep something sparse while portraying depth of thought and intent.

I'm also in a digital graphics class. w00t! It's really easy and basic, but it's teaching me how to use Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop. Add a lower division art history class (from the Rococo to present age) and you've got a full term. My only complaint is that I have to take so many lower divisions classes (1-200 levels) before I can even submit my "sophomore" portfolio review. I could say that I wish I had started out here and just done my thing, but then I wouldn't have the experience of U of O, which is leaps and bounds above PSU.

Speaking of that, though, I was talking to my new counselor (and later with Mom) and we came to the conclusion that maybe I'm just ready move on to grad school. I'm advanced enough in critical thinking in art and architecture that I just get bored. When there's no challenge, I just say "fuck it" and don't do it. Because honestly I could do this stuff in my sleep, but I just don't put forward any effort in it. But I am giving myself a challenge. I am disallowing any missed classes except for emergencies only. I quite enjoy going to classes, and I am always a favorite of teachers (I think it's my Gemini social tendencies, which is ironic because I'm really shy).

So this term I think I just need to get credit for classes (and decent grades if I can swing it). I have an exam today that I likely won't do too well on because I hadn't been going to class until last week, but getting 40-50% is better than a zero in the end of it all. So this morning I must study and kick ass today in both my classes and then come home and work on four make up projects due tomorrow that I haven't had a chance to work on all weekend since I was out of town and working 14+ hours a day (and it works out to less than minimum wage in the end btw). It's not so bad; my only problem is that it was SNOWING in Oregon and it's freakin almost May. One plus is that I met a really cute paramedic there; he even asked my mom about me and when she told him I was gay, he raised it eyebrows and said "oh really" like he was interested. The really funny part about it is that I don't even know his name--I just know that he was cute and interested in me. :D

Alright, off to a big day. Happy Monday, everyone!